Friday, September 3, 2010
Fail on School Day #4
What a morning...There was a backpack zipper fail for kid #1.
It necessitated trying out three old backpacks none of which fit his existing binders, lunch, books, and supplies, before moving to a duffle bag
against teen's protests.He didn't even have the three more text books that will be issued today.
Nor the weight of all the papers that will accumulate over the year.
Nor the PE clothes and shoes he'll need in a few semesters.
Not even the swim backpack stuffed with gear he'll need for high school swim...
WTF!School fail for not having lockers which requires kids to carry everything with them.
Over 40 lb. backpack.
This kid is 5' 11", very fit from swimming, and weighs over 130 lbs.
Can you imagine the same load on a poor 5 foot nothing girl. I can't imagine why no one has sued the district yet for taking out their lockers a few years back. Studies have shown the damage to growing bodies is crazy.
Then what?
School Fail=Backpack Fail=1st missed bus of the year=One mom driving in pajamas and crazy hair to get kid #1 to school with minutes to spare.
This equalled one super stressed kid worried about looking ridiculous carrying a duffle AND getting in trouble for being tardy.
Quite an auspicious start to the day.
Luckily, he calmed down a bit in the car...Domino effect?
This unscheduled shuttle then equaled missing kid #2 departure.
Sniffle.
Luckily, despite being used to me helping her gild the lily, she glossed, she curled, and she made her bus.
Better yet, the earnest request that kid #3 made when I got home.
"Mom, can I modify my bike helmet
to fit my mohawk?"Yep my typically late kid #3 now can legally ride his bike and has no bus to miss.
...Only lots of time spent making his pretty awesome mohawk sufficiently upright and hardened, only to try to attempt a bike helmet. Heh!
ile. Fashew! We made it through school day #4's departures.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Call Me a Whore!
Seriously, call me a whore when it comes to the issue. I'll take it as a compliment.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
This Mommy's Heart: Childhood Moving at Warp Speed
First day of school...
Third Grade, Elementary School
...And of course, because it's Seattle, it rained.
6th Grade, Middle School
It matches my mood. For once, I am not ready to kick my babies out the door and sigh a relief that summer is over. For once, the house it too quiet.
9th Grade, High School
I miss them.
Perhaps it's because they fought so little this summer.
Perhaps it's because as Eldest enters high school, I realize I have, but four years left before he permanently walks out that door to college. The clock is ticking.
Most likely, it's the silence broken only by the bubbling water in the fish tank and swish of an occasionally wagged tail by the pup who resides by my feet.
I am getting a taste of what it will be once they all leave the nest for good.
Honestly? I don't like it.
I live for my Li'l man's belly laugh.
I live for PB's too tight hugs she initiates full-heartedly and without warning.
I live for my Eldest's wry, smart alec humor and awkward manner in this stage between boy and manhood.
I exist for them.
Now? I can't wait for next summer and more fleeting moments like these:
Childhood. Every year moves more quickly than the last. This last one seemed like warp speed and my heart just can't take it today...
Friday, August 27, 2010
Tit for Tat: Who's Grosser Than Gross?
My husband CG has a naughty sense of humor. One of the many reasons I love him.He also loves sharing restaurant reviews and recipes to me all day while he sits in his office {finger quote} working {finger quote}.
I sit here at the kitchen table between {finger quote} loads of laundry and mothering and blogging deadlines {finger quote} and share back.
He shared this with me last night:
"Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book! "
"2 cups polenta (not quick cooking---good things take time, like LOVVVE)
2 tsps salt (don't use Kosher salt---Jews are nice, but they're not Scientologists!)
8 cups water (preferably water that hasn't been placed near any anti-depressants. Those are so unnecessary.)
1 placenta"
So my friends, Seminal Fluid Pudding or Placent-ahh Polent-ah?
We both think the other won for who's grosser than gross. Follow the links, we'll wait.
{Tapping finger}
M'kay, you're back? Okay, y'all call it. Which makes you gag more?
Who's grosser than gross?
By the way, feel free to join in the contest in your comments. What's the worst recipe you have ever seen?
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Not for the Faint-hearted: Mothering Teenage Boys
In college, I tended to hang out with far more boys than girls. Especially in the first year or so, they tended to be young, immature boys I met at the music store I worked. These were not the honorable, responsible, generally serious boys I hung out with in ROTC at Cal. These were more teen-aged, still trying to find themselves boys who found farting and belching grape soda in my face hilarious.
Think American Pie and you are going in the right direction.
Yep, I was just one of the boys, except for my waist-length hair.
Since I was a pretty sheltered girl, raised with a heavy religious overtone from which I had just broke free, what those boys said in my company constantly had me dropping my jaw and then bursting out in laughter. I think they lived to shock me. I was certainly the only virgin they knew and they respected that I planned to stay that one. So, off-limits, I was part of the gang.
I learned quite a few new swear words. I learned what felching was and no, for the love of Mike, don't google it if you don't already know. I also heard waay too much about masturbating.
Yes, you heard me right. Surprise! Teenage boys talked about masturbating... a lot.One image that stuck?
All of them. I mean all of them. We are talking five to six boys around the table admitted to using stuffed animals.
They also fessed up to using meat at one point or another. One discussed the finer points of a good steak warmed up in the microwave to flesh temperature and then rolled up... Gah!
I covered my ears.
What! What?
One mentioned he even put the steak back so his mom wouldn't find out.
Twenty years later?
Somehow this image has stuck with me.
Now as a mommy, I think of E. coli and bacteria and just, yuck, what if his mom made dinner with the used steak. I also now have a teenager and eye all those stuffed animals on his bed with great suspicion.And no one is left home alone with a steak or warm apple pie....okay, kidding on that one.
Oh, I don't know why this came to mind today, but it's a funny, awkward, and strange concept that flits at the back of my mind. Maybe we moms are just paranoid about ever finding out their baby boys have the same urges as those boys I once knew? I put my hands clapped to my ears, squeeze my eyes shut, and scream lalala just thinking about it.
I remember CG telling me he was taught to keep his non-utensil hand on the table, rather than the American way of it resting it in your lap, because in his mother words, who knew what those hands could be doing under the table. Paranoid!!
Funny enough, those older, honorable boys?Well, let's call them young men at this point. CG was one of them.
CG still had a little of the boyish in him though because he told me about happy socks.
Yes, as in I had no clues that the dirty socks around a teenage boys room could hold more than stinky feet smell.
Double gah!
And that's why this mom doesn't touch stuffed animals and dirty socks in her teens' room anymore.
Nope, I am scarred for life.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Jennifer Anniston is a "Retard"
Have you seen or heard about the mobs with pitchforks going after Jennifer Anniston? Sheesh, you'd have thunk she ate one of Angelina's babies for the uproar.
Nope, she didn't. Sadly...
She called herself, in a self-deprecating manner, a "retard."
Yep, the "R" word.
My thoughts? I think our country has way bigger fish to fry and we as a country have gotten a bit far too politically correct. There is a sense that anything you say can be construed as offensive to the point that we are tongue-tied. I do not think this use of the "R" word is so egregious. Unfortunate? Yes, but I am sure she was nervous and wasn't thinking.
Retarded defined can just mean slow-either in reference to intellect, emotion, or time. Perhaps she meant it in that connotation as the original definition. Mentally challenged/intellectually disabled groups and the media haven't used the word in reference to people in a very long time--definitely before my generation.
I also wonder if people get outraged when people say gipped--an offensive short form of Gypsy, meaning a swindle in which someone cheats at gambling or trying to persuade another person to buy worthless property.
Or someone Welshed on a bet?
Or someone vandalized your car--a person who willfully and maliciously destroys property from (orgin East Germanic people).
Can you say you have never used the words imbecile, idiot, or moron? These also were used to medically define the intellectually challenged in past years.
Have you referred to yourself as lame? Yep, also used for the physically handicapped.
What about calling someone as spaz or calling them spastic? Again, physically handicap. Apparently, Tiger Woods used "spaz" to describe his putting in the Masters. No one noticed in the U.S., but it caused a major furor in the UK.
Ever said the phrase, "Pardon my French?" Not very positive to the French is it?
How about insane? Crazy? Demented? Psycho? Maniac? Lunatic? All can and are used in a derogatory manner with the orgin of being used for the mentally ill.
Have you ever said someone or something was dumb? Yep, not nice for those afflicted with mutism.
How about the child's rhyme eenie, meinie, minie, moe? It seems that some learned that rhyme with the "n" word rather than "tiger's toe." A Southwest attendant used just the words "eenie, meinie, minie, moe" and was sued for racism. Ridiculous.
These days, these words have little to do with their derogatory origins and just become common place in everyday vernacular. Sometimes a term may begin as a pejorative word and then over time will be adopted in a non-pejorative sense. That is what I perceive is happening with the word retarded. It is becoming more removed from it's original use as a medical diagnosis and used as a self-deprecating remark in Jennifer's case.
So, as for Jennifer, come on. Let's give her a break. She wasn't making fun of anyone, but herself. I suggest you can judge her if you yourself have never said any of the words above (or the many more that I haven't listed) whose orgins started similarly.
Forgivable? Yes.
Maybe she should have said she was lame or crazy or dumb instead. Oh wait...
Image via Lord_Henry /Flickr
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