United States of Motherhood

Saturday, May 7, 2016

On Time Flying at Lightening Speed: PB takes her SAT today

This little girl I took to pre-school I swear just yesterday??
She is taking the SAT today.
Good luck, PB!!

You got this!

Friday, May 6, 2016

Captain America Civil War: What Team Are You On?

 “If we can’t accept limitations, we’re no better than the bad guys.”—Tony Stark

“That’s not the way I see it.”—Steve Rogers

Hey guys!!  Remember me?  It's been a while, I know. Heh.  Honestly, it takes something BIG to lure me from the comfort of Instagram back to my old blogging stomping grounds....

...and Iron Man and Captain America are BIG!

It was with great pleasure when I was invited by Disney to preview their latest blockbuster that I was able to take my Eldest -- now a college SOPHOMORE -- with me.  I earned some BIG mom cred there already.  He showed up in his Iron Man socks and his Marvel T-shirt ready to take in the glory.

And glory it was.  We were able to watch it at Seattle's  Pacific Science Center in it's huge IMAX 3D glory.  Yes, I was ducking and dodging through the whole movie. 3D is a MUST for this one and the technology must have improved because this was the most realistic 3D that I have ever experienced!

I won't spill the beans since I am a no spoiler girl, but I will just say I started #TeamIronMan and was shocked to find myself #TEAMCAPTAINAMERICA by the end.

Team Cap?  Me??  Yeah, this is what civil wars do to you.

So, my friends, go.  Go. Go.

Look deeply into those playboy Downey Jr. eyes and then betray him by wanting to hold goody-two-shoes Cap's hand.

You'll be confused I guarantee it.  Honestly though, you can't go wrong with either team.

So go!  It opens today, May 6th so what are you waiting for???

PS And don't you dare leave until the END of credits.  Yes, the very end or you'll miss TWO fun extra scenes!!

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Heath eXpress & The GREAT Pinkeye Epidemic of '04 #ad #HealtheXpress

Gather round, my friends.  Let me tell you a story.  Yes, a story about the RAINES GREAT PINKEYE EPIDEMIC of '04!

Yeah, I said it.

Pink Eye!

I watched a friend's kids that summer and they brought the dreaded creepy crawlies... and oh my lawd, it never left.  It bounced from my three kids to her two kids and back to my three kids ALL Summer long.

SIX weeks of non-stop PINKEYE!!

Pink!!  Oh wait, I meant PINK EYE!

Know what's not fun to do with five kids??  

Going the doctor's office.  Yep, I dreaded it.

Adding insult to injury, you know what the prognosis is, but you still needed to take each of them in to get the prescription...and oh yeah they need to touchy-touchy touch their wittle hands to EVERY germy toy in the doctor's office so we can pick up another freaking kid'demic of diarrhea or head lice and then touch you. Then back to the doctor's office.  Sicko Round Robin!!!

Ha!!  Fun times, my friends.  Fun times!!

Cute Little Vectors, Weren't They?

They got used to me saying at the pediatrician, "Touch Nothing!!" 

And we won't even whisper about the times when you could not get an appointment or the office was closed.  Arrrrrrgh!!!

So those glory days of walking up hill, both ways to get pink eye drops are over mostly over for this mom ...knock on FREAKING WOOD!!   But we still get the swimmer's ear, the eczema, and the rest.  It never ends.

However, lucky for us and you,  I  have recently come upon a crazy cool solution for those going through lice explosions, RASH-tastrophes, as well as your every day coughs, colds, and flus from our vermin...ahem I mean kiddos.

You get pink eye!  And you! And you! (cue Oprah)  EVERYBODY gets to go home with PINK EYE! 

If you live in Oregon or Washington, YOU can have a face-to-face conversation with a health care provider without ever leaving the house! Holy crap!!  Eureka!!

Health eXpress is a LIVE, on-demand virtual health care visit using secure video and audio for children (and us adults) powered by Swedish and Providence. Before you say it, NOOOO you do not even have to be a patient of Swedish or Providence to use it  and your visit can easily be shared with your primary care provider.

Bonus: If you're current patient of either network, the Health eXpress provider will be able to access your past patient information.

So why should you check Health eXpress out?


No appointment needed!  With a wait time often around  5 minutes, it's perfect for those too busy to take time off of work or have screaming kids and fires to put out...or both if you were a work from home mom like me!

With hours Monday through Friday 8 AM to 8 PM and Sat AND Sun 9am to 5pm PST??  Ummm hello!  Dreamy! Doctor's appointment on Sunday that does not include an urgent care co-pay??  I'm in!!

Health eXpress has both nurse practitioners and doctors to serve you during your virtual appointment. Diagnosis, treatment recommendation and even a prescription if needed?  BAM! Done!  All from the comfort of your couch or the playroom as toys get aimed at your head.

Yes, even when you are hiding out in the bathrooms from the creatures claiming mommy needs alone time.  I said, "Mommy NEEDS alone time."  Mommy wants to potty in PEACE...and talk to a provider about an dang UTI!

Yes, my friends, NOOOOO MORE leaving the house with a sick child or a sick mom and five kids in the rain!  Sit on your dang couch in front of the fire with a glass of wine and chat with a provider after you put the kids to bed? Double woot!


Health eXpress is super accessible on most devices including smartphones, tablets and laptops using HIPAA-compliant technology! You can even get a text message on your phone when the provider is ready to start their visit!

  • Create your FREE account. 
  • Wait as little as five minutes.  FIVE?! Yeah when was the last time you waited less than 15 minutes in a doctor's office? Nope.  Me neither! I do remember 45-60+ minute waits though..


Ready for this?  Health eXpress is affordable. A visit is only $39 and can be billed to your insurance. No more $75 urgent care for rashes on the week-end.Currently Providence Health Plan and Premera are accepted and can be billed directly at the time of visit,  but the list of insurance providers is growing.

More importantly?  If Health eXpress can’t treat your condition, you aren’t charged.

Another savings? You can even use Health eXpress if you’re traveling for business or on vacation! No need to use an out of network provider.

And for the record, this works out fabulous for those times you feel too sick, too contagious to leave the house.  Think cold, cough, flu, allergies,sinus infections,rashes, skin issues, joint pain, urinary tract infections...  you know ALL the FUN stuff!! Heh!

So what are you waiting for??  Go check out www.HealtheXpress.com BEFORE the next dreaded PINKEYE or UTI outbreak to learn more and create your account! Be ready when sick happens!


This is a sponsored post, but you know me.  I don't do anything I don't believe in.  Imma stubborn, NOT SO BASIC mom like that. Everything I write is 100 FREAKING percent my opinion. Got it?  Heh.  Good!

And hey, you're welcome!

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Holiday Gift Ideas & #Giveaway Minecraft Story Mode #VideoGames

Well look what the FedEx fairy just sent this Minecraft junkie family?!? Just released Minecraft Story Mode by Telltale games!!  BUT?  They sent it in four platforms and I only have an Xbox 360 so think think think...

Who would like the PS3 , PS4 and XBOXONE versions?!? 

I figure why not spread the fun, so some of you all have a $30 retail gift already under the tree for that special gamer in your life, eh? 

Game includes episode 1 which estimated to play 2 hours. Episodes 2-5 will download automatically as they become available. It's rated E10+ and has an all-star cast. You drive the story through decisions you make. 

Sounds fun, huh? :)

"In Minecraft: Story Mode, playing as either a male or female hero named 'Jesse,' you’ll embark on a perilous adventure across the Overworld, through the Nether, to the End, and beyond. You and your friends revere the legendary Order of the Stone: Warrior, Redstone Engineer, Griefer, and Architect; slayers of the Ender Dragon. While at EnderCon in hopes of meeting Gabriel the Warrior, Jesse’s friends discover that something is wrong… something dreadful. Terror is unleashed, and you must set out on a quest to find The Order of the Stone if you are to save your world from oblivion."

Separate Giveaway for each game below.  Good luck!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

a Rafflecopter giveaway

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclosure: I was sent product to review, but I was under no obligation to do so.  All opinions are 100% my own.

Friday, July 31, 2015

Death by Teenager: Driver's Ed and Clenched Hands

Ummmm my hands have been aching lately. So painful that I've been worried I was getting inflamed again from all my paleo cheats or arthritis or wrist cancer. I was about to diagnose with Dr Google when it hit me.

I have a child learning to drive.

Parallel parking where she came a scream-from-me-close-to-ramming-a-Mercedes yesterday made me realize my hands were clenched for the entire hour!
Ding Ding Ding!!Killing me slowly, you are PB!


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