United States of Motherhood

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Heath eXpress & The GREAT Pinkeye Epidemic of '04 #ad #HealtheXpress

Gather round, my friends.  Let me tell you a story.  Yes, a story about the RAINES GREAT PINKEYE EPIDEMIC of '04!

Yeah, I said it.

Pink Eye!

I watched a friend's kids that summer and they brought the dreaded creepy crawlies... and oh my lawd, it never left.  It bounced from my three kids to her two kids and back to my three kids ALL Summer long.

SIX weeks of non-stop PINKEYE!!

Pink!!  Oh wait, I meant PINK EYE!

Know what's not fun to do with five kids??  

Going the doctor's office.  Yep, I dreaded it.

Adding insult to injury, you know what the prognosis is, but you still needed to take each of them in to get the prescription...and oh yeah they need to touchy-touchy touch their wittle hands to EVERY germy toy in the doctor's office so we can pick up another freaking kid'demic of diarrhea or head lice and then touch you. Then back to the doctor's office.  Sicko Round Robin!!!

Ha!!  Fun times, my friends.  Fun times!!

Cute Little Vectors, Weren't They?

They got used to me saying at the pediatrician, "Touch Nothing!!" 

And we won't even whisper about the times when you could not get an appointment or the office was closed.  Arrrrrrgh!!!

So those glory days of walking up hill, both ways to get pink eye drops are over mostly over for this mom ...knock on FREAKING WOOD!!   But we still get the swimmer's ear, the eczema, and the rest.  It never ends.

However, lucky for us and you,  I  have recently come upon a crazy cool solution for those going through lice explosions, RASH-tastrophes, as well as your every day coughs, colds, and flus from our vermin...ahem I mean kiddos.

You get pink eye!  And you! And you! (cue Oprah)  EVERYBODY gets to go home with PINK EYE! 

If you live in Oregon or Washington, YOU can have a face-to-face conversation with a health care provider without ever leaving the house! Holy crap!!  Eureka!!

Health eXpress is a LIVE, on-demand virtual health care visit using secure video and audio for children (and us adults) powered by Swedish and Providence. Before you say it, NOOOO you do not even have to be a patient of Swedish or Providence to use it  and your visit can easily be shared with your primary care provider.

Bonus: If you're current patient of either network, the Health eXpress provider will be able to access your past patient information.

So why should you check Health eXpress out?


No appointment needed!  With a wait time often around  5 minutes, it's perfect for those too busy to take time off of work or have screaming kids and fires to put out...or both if you were a work from home mom like me!

With hours Monday through Friday 8 AM to 8 PM and Sat AND Sun 9am to 5pm PST??  Ummm hello!  Dreamy! Doctor's appointment on Sunday that does not include an urgent care co-pay??  I'm in!!

Health eXpress has both nurse practitioners and doctors to serve you during your virtual appointment. Diagnosis, treatment recommendation and even a prescription if needed?  BAM! Done!  All from the comfort of your couch or the playroom as toys get aimed at your head.

Yes, even when you are hiding out in the bathrooms from the creatures claiming mommy needs alone time.  I said, "Mommy NEEDS alone time."  Mommy wants to potty in PEACE...and talk to a provider about an dang UTI!

Yes, my friends, NOOOOO MORE leaving the house with a sick child or a sick mom and five kids in the rain!  Sit on your dang couch in front of the fire with a glass of wine and chat with a provider after you put the kids to bed? Double woot!


Health eXpress is super accessible on most devices including smartphones, tablets and laptops using HIPAA-compliant technology! You can even get a text message on your phone when the provider is ready to start their visit!

  • Create your FREE account. 
  • Wait as little as five minutes.  FIVE?! Yeah when was the last time you waited less than 15 minutes in a doctor's office? Nope.  Me neither! I do remember 45-60+ minute waits though..


Ready for this?  Health eXpress is affordable. A visit is only $39 and can be billed to your insurance. No more $75 urgent care for rashes on the week-end.Currently Providence Health Plan and Premera are accepted and can be billed directly at the time of visit,  but the list of insurance providers is growing.

More importantly?  If Health eXpress can’t treat your condition, you aren’t charged.

Another savings? You can even use Health eXpress if you’re traveling for business or on vacation! No need to use an out of network provider.

And for the record, this works out fabulous for those times you feel too sick, too contagious to leave the house.  Think cold, cough, flu, allergies,sinus infections,rashes, skin issues, joint pain, urinary tract infections...  you know ALL the FUN stuff!! Heh!

So what are you waiting for??  Go check out www.HealtheXpress.com BEFORE the next dreaded PINKEYE or UTI outbreak to learn more and create your account! Be ready when sick happens!


This is a sponsored post, but you know me.  I don't do anything I don't believe in.  Imma stubborn, NOT SO BASIC mom like that. Everything I write is 100 FREAKING percent my opinion. Got it?  Heh.  Good!

And hey, you're welcome!

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Holiday Gift Ideas & #Giveaway Minecraft Story Mode #VideoGames

Well look what the FedEx fairy just sent this Minecraft junkie family?!? Just released Minecraft Story Mode by Telltale games!!  BUT?  They sent it in four platforms and I only have an Xbox 360 so think think think...

Who would like the PS3 , PS4 and XBOXONE versions?!? 

I figure why not spread the fun, so some of you all have a $30 retail gift already under the tree for that special gamer in your life, eh? 

Game includes episode 1 which estimated to play 2 hours. Episodes 2-5 will download automatically as they become available. It's rated E10+ and has an all-star cast. You drive the story through decisions you make. 

Sounds fun, huh? :)

"In Minecraft: Story Mode, playing as either a male or female hero named 'Jesse,' you’ll embark on a perilous adventure across the Overworld, through the Nether, to the End, and beyond. You and your friends revere the legendary Order of the Stone: Warrior, Redstone Engineer, Griefer, and Architect; slayers of the Ender Dragon. While at EnderCon in hopes of meeting Gabriel the Warrior, Jesse’s friends discover that something is wrong… something dreadful. Terror is unleashed, and you must set out on a quest to find The Order of the Stone if you are to save your world from oblivion."

Separate Giveaway for each game below.  Good luck!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

a Rafflecopter giveaway

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclosure: I was sent product to review, but I was under no obligation to do so.  All opinions are 100% my own.

Friday, July 31, 2015

Death by Teenager: Driver's Ed and Clenched Hands

Ummmm my hands have been aching lately. So painful that I've been worried I was getting inflamed again from all my paleo cheats or arthritis or wrist cancer. I was about to diagnose with Dr Google when it hit me.

I have a child learning to drive.

Parallel parking where she came a scream-from-me-close-to-ramming-a-Mercedes yesterday made me realize my hands were clenched for the entire hour!
Ding Ding Ding!!Killing me slowly, you are PB!


Monday, July 13, 2015

DIY Teen Girl Cycle Survival Kit: Studying & Swimming with Periods #CycleSurvival #ad #CollectiveBias

This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #CycleSurvival #CollectiveBias

One for school and one for swim practice

When it comes to that time of the month, preparing my daughter is one way to make it less stressful, especially when headed back to school.

Awww isn't she cute?

So cute I created a PMS Cycle Survival Kit for my baby girl.  You heard me! An Aunt Flo SURVIVAL KIT!

I am super proud of her for her full load of honors and IB courses this coming fall. She also swims both high school and club practice back-to-back after school, so having a discrete survival kit is perfect! She is hitting the books and the pool--she doesn't need her period to slow her down from her dreams.

I am sure you have a busy girl in your life too!

Having a period goes with the territory and she inherited a monthly doozy from me.  I've got to make sure she's covered when she goes back to school and back to high school swim practice.  Heck, while I am at it, I made sure her lips and legs were covered too!

So I'll be surprising her with two kits!  One for her swim bag and one for her school bag!

DIY Cycle Kit to Surprise Your Daughter, Niece, or Granddaughter For Confidence

First up, stroll on down to your neighborhood Walgreens.  I was able to scoop up everything I needed there.  Bonus: If you buy $15 of participating U by Kotex,  EOS , and BIC products, you get 3,000 Balance Reward Points!! I found some adorable bags and I started shopping to fill them up!

U by Kotex CleanWear® by U Pads.  Yep, these Maxi pads are the foundation of your kit especially with heavy flows.With the new technology applied in Kotex's new pad, girls can now be more confident in wearing whatever they want whether it's all day at school or hours in the library studying for finals. With their young, fresh, modern covers, they aren't as obvious either!
  Yep because a disappointing quiz back when your on your period??  Yeah, keep those tissues handy.

 When you are PMS-ing...is there anything worse than chapped lips and rough legs?  Heh!  Yes, on your period everything seems a little more nails on chalkboard so having a quick fix prevents mini-rants, right? Eos Lip balm and shaving cream to the rescue!

Bic Shaving Products
. Yep, you get to school in that cute new skirt only to find you missed an entire strip of hair.  Yes, you have a shin mohawk.  A discreet razor?  Done.

Hairbands & Hair Conditioner Spray. BECAUSE is there anything worse that hair in your face when you are taking a test and those few frizzy whisps tickle your nose? Or doing dry land at swim practice with a mess of hair in your face??  Hello!!

For her swim bag

Breath Fixers. Gum, mints, and mouth strips, oh my!  Just for those times when you are feeling cranky pants and suddenly that hot, but guy with the sparkly eyes finally get up the nerve to talk to you the day you slept in with cramps.  At least your breath will be fresh right?

Chocolate and Motrin. 
 You knew there would be chocolate right? Add a Motrin chaser and cramps?  What cramps?

Jam packed with maxi pads, tissues, chocolates, and lip balm for school

Sooooo...do you think she will like it?  Gotta admit it's been hard keeping my boys away from some of these survival items, but nooope boys!  This is girls only this time! HA!

Sooooo...how do you survive your period? I'd love to hear what you'd put in your survival kit!

Friday, June 12, 2015

On Parental Learning Curves: Fruit Tray on Fleek

Fruit tray on fleek, my friends!!


Yeah I went simple for end of year picnic for kid #3.

Kid #1? I would meticulously carved watermelon baskets and have a
dozen exotic fruits like star fruit that kids wouldn't even eat.
Arranged to spell out kids' names. Hours and hours... desperate
housewife style.

Kid #2? A little simpler. Maybe rainbow fruit kabobs arranged on fancy
party platters.

What I have learned? Kids don't even notice -- only parents are
impressed. And by kid #3? I could not care less if I impressed any
parents. It's not a competition.

So kid #3 gets simple fruit on dollar store trays with ice underneath
to keep them chilled--prepared five minutes before we leave... Done!

Can't say my competitive housewife won't return someday but for now?
She's dead, Jim. She's dead.

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