I'm a Liar & a Cheater and Maybe I'll Burn for My Bubblegum

As a child that attended church for three hours every Sunday, I have strong memories of this wildly popular song in the Sunday School and "Primary" (1st level of brainwashing for the uninitiated) set. A personal fave, it went like this:

Give said the little stream
Give, oh, Give
Give, oh, Give
Give, said the little stream as it hurried down the hill.

I'm small, I know,
But wherever I go,
The grass is greener still

Innocuous enough until you realize the king's ransom the Mormon church extracts from ALL of their members. Even in a song, I now read their dastardly plan to extract every last penny.

Yes, I remember receiving a professionally prepared statement listing all money given per annum, separated by categories such as tithing, church building, missionary fund, etc.

AT AGE FIVE!

I was also given an interview with my family at which I was asked if I felt this was a "full tithe" by this very authoritarian bishop. Of course, like any scared as shit kid, I said,"Y-y-y-e-s-s-s-?"


Well, I'm 'fessing up... I know I'll burn in hell, BUT IT WASN'T! I kept at least 92 percent. Screw that! Bubblegum and ice cream were and still are more important than my "Eternal Salvation."

So, uh....Sorry? And really, how sad is it to be squeezing birthday money and newspaper tips out of little kids to build holy white castles.

My god is free!

'lisciously scribed by Scout's Honor @ 7:11 AM