Snow Rant and Seattle Drivers

Did I say I love snow?! Snow sucks big @#$. So the snow melted before school let out yesterday, so we went to practice after all. It started to blizzard during practice with white out conditions. Yee-haw! Should have stuck with my instincts.

Normally, from Mercer Island to our part of Sammamish is a 20-25 minute ride. Well, for those of you in the region, did you see the weather? Our 25 minute drive took TWO Hours and FIFTEEN minutes. Insane!

We were spared the typical THREE hours because we decided to use a third lane. What is it about Seattlites that when they encounter snow or any inclement weather really, they turn a 4-lane highway into two lanes? They insist on only following each others tracks. I ranted to the kids that they should drive on the snow, not just follow the black ribbon tracks. "That's where they are losing their traction,"I rant. The kids look back at me like, "Nice tip, mom. I'll do that next time I drive on an icy road!"

So given I had a heavy 4x4 SUV, I held my own. I also had years of experience of driving on ice in Fairbanks, so it wasn't too intense. Driving in these conditions, though, is a skill. A skill that most of the dumb-f#%&s in Seattle don't have. Idiots would stall out in their light weight sedans and just leave their cars (whether that be in the 2nd lane of the freeway or the median or jack-knifed across two lanes) and start walking. There were scores of people walking on the freeway and many more on this huge road going up the plateau. However, they would leave these cars in the middle of the F!@#$%$ road. At least, slide your cars to the side, shit for brains!

So, there I was winding through cars with three kids, hungry and having to pee. Whining was kept to the minimum though. I must have had a crazy enough look in my eye to make them think twice.

Worst example of said driving, idiot in Mercedes on Duthie Hill. Yes, you F#$ for brains. He's revving, back tires spinning, moving inches at a time, and yet he insists on pushing his way in front of me, ignoring the six-pack of other sedans littering the steep-graded road in front of us. Then he immediately stalls in front of me and starts to slide backwards at me. Shit! I can't back up because other shit for brains sedan behind me is on my bumper as if giving people space to slide in icy condition was an entirely unknown concept. So Mercedes idiot stopped, but then decides to u-turn and again starts shimming toward me sideways now as if in reverse T-bone.

So, other stuck Mustang guy starts ground guiding and pushing Mercedes maniac away from my car, but then says he wants me to wait after he does this until he gets chains on his stuck Ford Mustang which is also covering 3 lanes and two directions of traffic! Again, phallic horsepower doesn't equal success on icy roads. What were you thinking even trying?! Luckily, while he guides said car, his empathetic buddy motions for me to move around and get out when I can. By now, the roads leading to our house are backed up for miles.

So these idiots weren't the only idiots that would block traffic and actually start putting on their chains in the middle of the road. Issaquah-Fall City Road was not moving for 20-30 minutes because mostly men with Mustang and Mercedes Coupes first thought they could make it up that steep grade, and then decided to put on chains while traffic backs up for miles on the freeway because people can't get off the last exit before the highway is shut down for ice.

Aah! So after a lot of driving, I was happy my arctic driving skills came back. The newscasts are referring to I-90 as a skate rink. Yep, just like good ole Fairbanks. They never even bothered to plow, salt or sand. What would have been the point? So I guess our time in the military paid off in this sense.

Now, I am a bit worried about CG. He flies in tonight and I know his little whore of a Mini-Cooper just isn't heavy enough to make it up the hill. I worry his Mini will go the route of Mustangs and Mercedes before him. I suggested he look for chains before he embarks on his flight. He states finding chains in 60 degree weather in Glendale might be a tad difficult.

No, pulling your butt out of ravine might be more difficult.

'lisciously scribed by Scout's Honor @ 8:17 AM