United States of Motherhood: Think of the Children, Damn it!

Saturday, December 2, 2006

Think of the Children, Damn it!

Hi, I’m a Republican and I believe in gay marriage. (gasp)

Beyond all the normal religious reasons, people often use the fact that gay couples can’t procreate as the reason why gay marriage is wrong or not natural. I have to admit, years ago, I might have been in that camp. However, some experiences have made me a vehement believer that gay marriage is the right thing:

First off, having had many friends with infertility issues which did not allow them to conceive, the same logic would hold that these couples, who adopted or remained childless would also be not worthy of marriage. What rubbish! Children make a family, but they don’t make a marriage. Marriage, however, will protect that family.

I met a wonderful father, part of a committed homosexual couple who has been together longer than CG and I. This house husband has lovingly adopted children from a straining Bay Area foster system; one child adopted has physical defects, but is perfect in his fathers’ eyes and another child of a different race born with drugs in her system, but loved and wanted from the very first moment they saw her. They had already lost another daughter before the adoption was legal because their first daughter's drug addict parents had cleaned themselves up. Yet, this couple tried again and received this beautiful baby girl.

To me, they form a wonderful, caring family unit. Nothing could make me believe these children would be better off any other place than where they were. This really hit home because my two youngest were the same age of these children and one had the same name as my child. We shared play groups, birthday parties, Christmas parties, and parent on-line groups. I kept thinking, what if they were my kids, what if something were to happen to me and the law didn’t protect my family and put my kids with grandparents or the foster system rather than with their only other parent?

Sometimes, one father’s amazing love and concern made me feel less as a mother in comparison to his patience, humor, and touching concern for his kids. Yet, when this couple married at San Francisco City Hall when the flood gates were left open by Mayor Gavin Newsom, it was eventually ruled non-existent by the courts. I don’t think Mayor Newsom was right--he had no legal standing to do so; the backlash by the country probably set back Gay Marriage as a movement for years. In the end, I felt then and still feel that Mayor Newsom is a fool politician who pulled this stunt to get attention and name recognition.

However, the principle behind it all was rock solid. Gay people are not second hand citizens. How is it that Britney Spears can marry on drunken whim and later annul, but life partners of decades cannot just because they are of the same sex? Why is it that both Pam Anderson and Renée Zellweger are allowed their ill-thought out marriages of 4 months, yet families together for years with children cannot be afforded the same protection? The love of Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock is NOT more holy than life partners of twenty years. So why would their marriage be an abomination, yet strung out rock start just need an ticket to Vegas? Is their love any less? In my opinion, sometimes it is much more and no one can tell me the government and bureaucracies should be regulating and legislating love. People, why does it hurt anyone to let another family legally exist? why does it hurt your marriage and family values if a different kind of family exists? If you marriage is so weak that you think it will be damaged if another type of marriage --a marriage of two souls with the same parts but with the same love that you feel for your husband/wife--will be harmed, then perhaps, sweathearts, your marriage is suspect.

Please people, if nothing else let’s think of the children involved. Let’s help preserve their rights. The thought that comes to mind is a couple I heard about in the Bay Area. They broke up and one mother, the surrogate of the children, took the children and moved to the East Coast. The other mother, the egg donor, I guess the biological mother if you will, was left for years with no legal standing and years without being allowed to see her children, even once. The fact is that both of these women were mothers, but the law only protected the one who actually gave birth. Never would we think to say a father has no rights because he didn’t pop that baby out!

As a Republican, I want less taxes, less government, and hence why should I think we should regulate someone’s happiness or the ability to legal share custody, have right of survivorship on homes shared, rights to social security and medical benefits? Just because God made you a little different, does not mean he loves you any less.

If anything, if your mind is still closed to homosexuality, at least try to think of these people as parents and people. First and foremost, though, let's think of the children!

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