Putting our Elderly Out to Pasture

Nursing homes just scare me. They are terrible. CG's step-grandmother was put in a home by her children and my mil after her husband died. She is a wonderful Scottish lady who loves dogs and chatting with people. She reminds me of Mrs. Doubtfire. I never had a negative interaction with her and that's saying something for CG's family. Now she calls CG and I at home at odd times in the morning to say she has been kidnapped or is being held prisoner. It breaks my heart because we have no say.

Before I entered the family, another great-grandmother was also put in a home. She suffered from dementia or Alzheimer's. I was told a story where she was left in the home, only a few minutes drive away, against the objections of an uncle, at Christmas. The reasoning was it would ruin every one's Christmas and she didn't know any better. Having not met this lady, this story so hurt my heart.

Then there is my side of the family. My maternal grandmother, still sharp at 96, has become bedridden in the last two years. Before that, at age 93 years, she was still tilling and weeding her tomatoes and actively involved in her church. She's a dynamo as well. The difference is that she is still at home, surrounded by family, pictures, and her history. That's how it should be.

My ninety-six year old grandmother in her home of over 70 years

My paternal grandfather, well into his eighties, died of cancer with a medical bed in his dining room. Again, surrounded by the familiar and his large family. His wife, my grandmother also suffered dementia. She was moved to live with an aunt, and although we didn't see her as much as I would like, she also died with family. My great-aunt, my grandfather's elder sister, at over 90 years, was pulled out of a nursing home she put herself in originally. She had suffered a broken hip and dehydration while in their care. She came to live with my family since she had never had children of her own. While I'm not sure her quality of care was much better and she died soon from complications of the hip, I would like to think it was better to be around loved ones than strangers when you die.

So, reading this, you obviously know my slant. My question is why do we put out elderly out to pasture? When our children are difficult and in diapers, we would never dream of putting them in a home. Yet, the elderly, sometimes just as innocent of mind with the very same needs of our children--diapering, medications, doctor exams, feedings--get put away, out of view, as a nuisance. I believe my side of my family is the exception, not the norm. What is wrong with our society?

I guess this birthday is getting to me. It didn't help I recently watched an episode of The Closer (love Kyra Sedgewick) where lonely, elderly people were being murdered and nobody noticed. For most of these elderly, they had outlived family which is one of the only justified uses of a nursing home in my opinion. I know that both sides of my family have a history of living into their late eighties to mid-nineties. I would be horrified to be put in a home with family still capable of caring for me, as would I be if my parents were put in one. I have joked that I should tattoo my face so no self-respecting nursing home will let me in. Um, not so funny.

So, I think I will work harder now teaching my children the value of human life. Let them experience the richness of stories coming from the elderly. Maybe we'll call a local home and find someone who has no one to visit. I want to ingrain on my children that until the very last breath, a person is a person. A loved one is a loved one and I hope they remember that when I'm 90!

'lisciously scribed by Scout's Honor @ 9:30 AM