Absorbative
"Is that Britney?"
My just-turned-six-year-olds weak voice asked between spew number eleven and upchuck number twelve in the last three hours. Yes, I'm counting because I'm OCD like that.
"What did you say?"
"Mommy, is that Britney?"
Wiping his mouth, I realized his glazed eyes are glued to the television which is on Access Hollywood.
Shit.
"Britney who? " I ask innocently.
"You know, Britney Sh-peawers." He rests his head weakly on the couch.
Ummm. Stalling.
"How do you know who Britney Spears is?"
"She's that girl on the T.V. that doesn't wear underwear."
Oh. My. God. He's like a little sponge except tonight this knowledge--and everything else--is all coming out.
"I thought she had blond hair, Mommy."
Oh, what have I done exposing my baby to such drivel?! His brain should be full of Dr. Suess, not Entertainment Tonight.
Then, I am redeemed.
"She's that girl that doesn't do things right. She doesn't do the right things." His little voice is full of conviction.
Oh, thank you Jebesus. Although he's been exposed, at least we've taught him that how she acts isn't appropriate. Girl's got problems.
Picture by Jungleboy
Crap. Gotta go. Campaign of Chuck #13 has commenced. We've got problems too.
Doesn't everybody?
4 comments:
"Britney Sh-peawers" is very cute!
And she has no hair. Anywhere. I think that's been established.
Maybe you could try explaining that?
Amelia: So, something you should know is Li'l Man wants to be an ob/gyn. If I explain there's no hair down there, that will lead to much more interest in vajay-jays. I don't think I want him any more interested in Bwitney couchie-couchie. :) Ah, what you have to look forward to with your little guy.
Whew! I can start breathing again! Li'l Man ISN'T buying the BS Myth! Hallelujah! Ya did good, Scout!
He knew she didn't wear underwear.
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