LAzy Cafe Au Lait Or Is That OLE! You Lazy Bastard!
I was flying along the interstate at 70 mph this morning to take my son to swim practice. The car was warm. The sky was still an inky black. The sounds of Harry Potter floated from the DVD speakers. The quiet sounds of thoughtful chewing of Noah's bagels with cream cheese surrounded us. Ah! The morning commute cocoon.
I took my first sip of coffee.
In my mouth went some creamy, slightly sweetened, superstrong coffee. Mmmmm...
I took my second sip...
I got a chunk of cream.
Blek! I tried not to spew as we hurtled down the freeway. With no recourse, I swallowed the liquid around the chunk and then gingerly drooled/wiped my tongue/spit out the chunkiness onto the top of my mug. I turned on the overhead light and saw a disgusting chunk. I open my mug and there layed a field of chunkiness.
Ugggh. My thoughts went to CG's less than diligent dishwashing. Then my thoughts went to the time this weekend when I might have left the milk out for too long. Bingo! Double yuck.
I called up CG on my cell to warn him to not let the kids use the milk for cereal. I know. I know. So cliche. Mommy in oversized SUV on cell with phone in one hand and coffee in other, driving too fast, steering with knees with overhead light on while kid watches movie on flip down screen in back obscuring in rear vision. I take my bow now.
Back to the call:
So, said knife was only maybe 3-4 feet from the drawer where we keep the silverware. You know! The one with the spoons! The clean spoons which are generally used to stir coffee. It was on top of a paper towel. You know the kind that can be used to wipe off cream cheese laden knives?
Men can be so freaking lazy at 5 AM when they make their women their coffee. Jeeez!
I took my first sip of coffee.
In my mouth went some creamy, slightly sweetened, superstrong coffee. Mmmmm...
I took my second sip...
I got a chunk of cream.
Blek! I tried not to spew as we hurtled down the freeway. With no recourse, I swallowed the liquid around the chunk and then gingerly drooled/wiped my tongue/spit out the chunkiness onto the top of my mug. I turned on the overhead light and saw a disgusting chunk. I open my mug and there layed a field of chunkiness.
Ugggh. My thoughts went to CG's less than diligent dishwashing. Then my thoughts went to the time this weekend when I might have left the milk out for too long. Bingo! Double yuck.
I called up CG on my cell to warn him to not let the kids use the milk for cereal. I know. I know. So cliche. Mommy in oversized SUV on cell with phone in one hand and coffee in other, driving too fast, steering with knees with overhead light on while kid watches movie on flip down screen in back obscuring in rear vision. I take my bow now.
Back to the call:
Me: I think the milk is bad. I had chunks in my coffee.
CG: Cream...static....mumble.
Me: What? So just throw it out.
CG: It's cream cheese.
Me: No, I didn't say cream cheese. I said there cheesy chunks in my coffee. It's the milk.
CG: No, it's cream cheese.
Me: Why would there be cream cheese in my coffee?
CG: I stirred your coffee with the knife you used for your bagel.
Me: WHAT? You stirred my coffee with a dirty knife with cream cheese on it?! Did you at least wipe it off?
CG: Uhhhh....no?
Me: *&^%$ *&^%$$% !!!!!!!
So, said knife was only maybe 3-4 feet from the drawer where we keep the silverware. You know! The one with the spoons! The clean spoons which are generally used to stir coffee. It was on top of a paper towel. You know the kind that can be used to wipe off cream cheese laden knives?
Men can be so freaking lazy at 5 AM when they make their women their coffee. Jeeez!
4 comments:
I am impressed that you didn't drive right off the road! I would have! And you've got mad skillz at seperating the "chunk" from the coffee -- way to go! :)
And sad as it is, that is something I would totally do -- grab the cream cheese knife instead of a new one, then cross my fingers that the hubs didn't notice. I am sooo lazy!
That's some funny stuff right there. This is my first visit to your blog. I love it!
It's a wonder to me why you allow him to go on living. LMAO. SUFFOCATE HIM WITH A PILLOW! ;D
ew. Okay, Starbucks might be roughly $18 a cup, but their ain't any chunks. ;)
Post a Comment