Let's Go on a Little Outing, Shall We?
I never advertise my blog to anyone I know.
My husband however, uses our real names and puts his blog in his email signature line.
And guess what, I'm on his very short blog roll.
So, I've been outed a few times by friends.
They usually come up finally and say I found your blog. After the "Oh, fuck, did I ever write about them" thoughts, I'm okay with it. My sister found my blog the same way.
It does however stifle our conversations because I'm always thinking: I blogged about this or that, so they have read it, so maybe I shouldn't say it again and bore them. Or maybe they didn't read that post? Second-guessing and awkwardness at it's best.
However, I live in physical, gut-wrenching fear that my religious, sometimes holier-than-thou sisters and my sometimes incomprehensibly insane parents will find my blog.
Why?
I only speak the truth, but sometimes it's brutal what I write about my childhood, my Dad especially and my self-esteem issues, and their Mormon faith.
It makes me absolutely sick to my stomach to think about.
At the same time, I know I could have hundreds more readers daily if people did know I write, but, then I would self-censure and you wouldn't get to hear the whacked out tales of trophy wives and dog-butt wipers in my neighborhood or how crazy, insane my Dad can be.
So, people, can you give me some peace of mind? If you know me and are reading this, can you let me know? Either a comment or an email would be just fine.
My husband however, uses our real names and puts his blog in his email signature line.
And guess what, I'm on his very short blog roll.
So, I've been outed a few times by friends.
They usually come up finally and say I found your blog. After the "Oh, fuck, did I ever write about them" thoughts, I'm okay with it. My sister found my blog the same way.
It does however stifle our conversations because I'm always thinking: I blogged about this or that, so they have read it, so maybe I shouldn't say it again and bore them. Or maybe they didn't read that post? Second-guessing and awkwardness at it's best.
However, I live in physical, gut-wrenching fear that my religious, sometimes holier-than-thou sisters and my sometimes incomprehensibly insane parents will find my blog.
Why?
I only speak the truth, but sometimes it's brutal what I write about my childhood, my Dad especially and my self-esteem issues, and their Mormon faith.
It makes me absolutely sick to my stomach to think about.
At the same time, I know I could have hundreds more readers daily if people did know I write, but, then I would self-censure and you wouldn't get to hear the whacked out tales of trophy wives and dog-butt wipers in my neighborhood or how crazy, insane my Dad can be.
So, people, can you give me some peace of mind? If you know me and are reading this, can you let me know? Either a comment or an email would be just fine.
I just need to know who knows.
7 comments:
I think it's great that you write all the time. Frankly I'm a little jealous of your ability to express so many feelings and thoughts. Mine just wander around in my head keeping me up at night.
Don't censor your writing because your afraid someone might see it. True friends (and family) accept you because of who you are, not for what you write. Imagine how boring life would be if we all had the same thoughts and beliefs.
Your passion for your blog has inspired me to pursue what I love and find important. Keeping my family history alive through pictures. If only I had the confidence to put all the thoughts and stories down on paper to go with them.
Yikes, quite a pickle.
I outed myself when I started thinking I'd just post about my children. Who the hell can talk solely about them? Although at times I can I've found it theraputic to discuss my own stuff from childhood and stuff.
I've hurt my Dad's feeling a lot and about stuff I'd never considered hurtful. He's stopped reading because he can't take it eventhough I never share what I would consider bad about him.
Anyway, tell CG to stop advertising! It's cramping your style.
i don't know you - and i am reading...
I'm here, I'm reading. And I share your feelings about being "outed" to my family. If I wasn't anonymous, I think I could run with the big girls. But my fears about hurting my family and outing myself to the world .... just too overwhelming.
But I'm reading and listening. Even when I don't comment. Gestation + preschooler+potty training + multiple bouts of the plague = silent Mrs. Chicken.
xoxox
Hey Lengyel mommy: Ahhh. Thanks. It's just because of those thoughts wandering that I blog--elsewise they would go poof in a flash of Mommy forgetfulness--never to be heard of again.
I agree about the censuring, but then you've never met my very Mormon, very drama-filled, big tempered family. Sometimes it's worth it to keep your thoughts to yourselves than risk the drama.
That said, I doubt I will censure myself. I guess I am like Nicholas--a three year old without much of a filter.
Glad I inspired. :)
Kandace: I'll tell CG. He knows my opinion of using our real names. Arrgh.He thinks I am paranoid that weirdos will get a hold of our info.
Jill: Thanks for reading.
Mrs. Chicken: Oh, my friend, compared to me, you are the "big girls." I hear you about hurting family and friends. No worries about sparse commenting--I know what exactly it feels like to have little kiddos. I am amazed you can blog. I was barely able to shower when pregnant with pre-schoolers. Stay healthy.
I love reading the snippets about our family...and feel like i might have gotten a teny-winey bit of my ten minutes of fame whenever you make reference to me. Keep it coming.
Oh I know, Heather. I knoooowwww. ;D I gotta a funny story to blog about this same issue. lol.
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