United States of Motherhood: Comments Speak Volumes: Shock Collar 'R Us

Friday, August 22, 2008

Comments Speak Volumes: Shock Collar 'R Us

Absolutely Bananas wrote a post today entitled "I'm Not Your Punching Bag" that I commented on. You can check it out here.

The gist was her little boy karate chopped her in Nordstroms.

I might have been overly sensitive in my comments. I think my words "immediate and severe consequences" were a bit misunderstood though.

Let me know what you think.

I still stick by CG's favorite words of wisdom to our sons: "Boys don't ever hit girls, not even with a flower."

Update: I guess I really got my feelings hurt that my comment was misunderstood and I was called a troll. Thanks to Bananas for dealing with the wild, drama-filled comments and letting me get my last thought down before she closed comments. Sorry fo' the drama. You rock Bananas. And, to you, my readers, thanks for your support. I kept reading and re-reading my comment saying how did it go so wrong. I think it was just Windy Douchehole strikes again moment.

14 comments:

Amelia said...

I agree with you. Totally unacceptable.

I also consider destroying toys/objects and/or smashing them up beyond what they were designed for to be unacceptable. I once read on a very famous blog that it was perfectly fine for blogger's son to destroy his expensive and beautiful train set (a gift from grandparents) because it was "his" not anyone else's, and because telling kids "how to play" was, like, SO not creative and erudite-suburban-rebel parenting.
Snort. If he wanted to karate-chop it to bits, then that was him expressing himself and being, like, deeper and more complicated than other kids, and stuff. I must say my jaw dropped.

My child would be donating said train set along with a few other toys to charity and learning that not every kid is lucky enough to have toys at all.

Common sense goes a long way at times, although it has never been fashionable.

Scout's Honor said...

Amelia: Hey you! Up late here. Can't sleep.

Well, maybe I shouldn't have bothered commenting. Stupidly checked out the "sarcastic" commenter and her twitter page and discovered I was labeled a "troll" for relaying my own experience and thoughts.

First time for everything, eh?

Here I thought I was contributing to the conversation. Sheesh.

I agree about the toys too. I think teaching respect and teaching it young is so important and usually forgotten now days.

I certainly found a certain lack of respect at that blog.

Amelia said...

She is completely out of line for sure. Forget about her, don't waste your time. Too many worthwhile blogs and comments to read on these here internetz.

Scout's Honor said...

Thanks for the pep talk, Amelia. You rock.

I guess I was a bit bummed since the OP is a local blogger I usually enjoy who is writing a column at Seattlemomblogs about why people quit blogging.

Funny...This kind of cattiness would be top on my list on why to stop blogging.

But, you, my friend, give me hope!

Bananas said...

I have to be honest and tell you that your genuine voice, WITH a little edge, is one of the things I like best about you.

At first your comment felt a little harsh to me (and probably others) because there's an undertone of judgment. But you know? You're totally and completely RIGHT.

This is something I've been struggling with as CJ has gotten bigger and thinks that it's ok to hit/punch/whatever. The incident I described was "cute", but where do you draw the line? Obviously you draw it WAY earlier than I have!

I think sometimes the most important messages are the hardest to hear. Kudos to you for being willing to say it. It's a lot harder to give someone a comment that could change their thinking for the better than to leave a cutesy LOL.

Anyhow, please don't take offense, PLEASE don't stop blogging and let's continue the dialogue. Even if some people get upset. It's worth it.

p.s. you're totally not a troll.

Scout's Honor said...

Bananas: So over it. I can be judgy like I said on your post, but I honestly was feeling none of that in my original comment to you. Was it the "ughhh" or the word "severe?" You would think a Berkeley grad could read sentiment in her own words, but guess not.

I'm just a windy douchehole who comments stream of thought most of the time and never spell checks her comments and sees her typos until after hitting submit.

So I was bewildered and mouth agape at being called a troll.

This troll here at Jason. For the Love of God is what I think when I think trolls. He keeps coming back and calling her fat and saying men have a right to cheat if their wives get fat. Gah!

Or this one that kept putting unrelated political crap on local bloggers' posts.

Or this favorite of mine that came visiting here that said I was a thief and murderer by virtue of being Republican and I was irresponsible because I should have known my husband's vasectomy would fail. Really? Still reeling over that one!

So, Bananas, no biggie. Sincerely.

I am just thankful for the clarification because finding out I was a troll put me into a complete conumdrum of what shoes go with being a troll. Little kitten heels? Errr. Sorry Carrie, but maybe some lime green crocs with troll charms?

:)

No harm, no foul. I still heart you Bananas.

Ann(ie) said...

Banana's and Amelia seem perfectly lovely to me, but I could do without running in to "princess" Diana again. I might hurl on her pretty dress and bitchslap her by mistake. ;) xo.

Ann(ie) said...

ooooopsie. Was that my outside voice????

Scout's Honor said...

Annie: Your outside voice. Snort. Are we deep into our cups, milady? Goodness, the airs of some. :)

Our princess keeps commenting and commenting. She prevaricates between, sheesh, I was just joking, but then, in the same breath, says I am condescending and no one likes for someone to give advice or parlay an opinion different from that what's in the post. Such a strange perspective I think for blogging. I'm curious, guys, does getting advice or a different viewpoint on your blog bother you?! I'm just flabbergasted.

Here's my latest:

"Scout's Honor Reply:
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:09 pm

I guess some princesses are vain and want only mirrors surrounding them on their blog. Mirrors that only compliment them and reflect their own ideas, with minions of yes ladies in waiting.

Each to her own.

I personally like intelligent dialogue. YES! I absolutely would welcome dissenting opinions and often have them on my blog. I like respectful disagreements. Furthermore, yes, people have taken light-hearted posts of mine and, to my thinking, brought them to a higher level by seriously discussing the subject. Did it upset me? Of course not, quite the opposite. Quite the opposite. I guess while I like my humor and like to disparage my parenting skills with the best of them, I do a lot of Mommy blogging and enjoy learning parenting techniques from other blogs. I am always learning and benefiting from other parents’ perspectives. Who wants to read 500 words on discipline? Um, me, me. Pick me!

Even though I don’t think I made advice on Bananas blog, I still absolutely do give advice in comments and receive advice on my blog all the time. Heck, Moosh told me I should get a Brazilian on a post today. I guess you wouldn’t like that either? So condescending that Moosh thinks I’m hairy, eh?

This is silly. Most the blogs I read are riddled with comments from readers with stories on what worked for them. Two words: Shared learning.

And, as I said before, I never meant any judgment in my words. There was NO condescension. If you look closely, I never technically even gave any advice. Almost every line started with “I.” Not, you, Bananas should do this. Or, you Bananas, are parenting wrong. (And honestly nor did I think that) Nope.

*I* was relaying my life experiences with my son who hit.

*I* was trying to commiserate that *I* had been through the same thing and share what had worked for me.

*Not* what Bananas *should* do, but simply what had worked for *me*. Sorry if you take offense at me relaying a vignette of my old child-rearing story on Bananas’—not your—blog.

Now thinking Bananas welcomed you calling her readers trolls? Now that is utterly condescending, yes? How do explain *your* behavior?

And yes, let’s discuss what makes a troll. Someone who likes to call names. Hmmm…I don’t recall calling any Bananas names, but what wasn’t there a princess that called a name? Hmmm…Something about a pea…Wait, wait, it’s coming to me…

It seems as if you, your highness, seem quite confused if your comments/Twitter were a joke or a slur and like to prevaricate between the two as it seems convenient. Very sad indeed.

I suspect if you look close…really close in your mirrors, my princess…..lean in, my dear…my guess would be some nasty warts and some suspiciously trollish attributes my pop out in your own reflection.

As for your invitation to visit your blog, sorry, your highness, I try not to feed the trolls."

Yep, Windy Douchehole strikes again, eh?

Leslie said...

I think you left a relevant comment on that blog post. I didn't think you were being judgmental; I thought you were relaying your experience with the same issues. And then someone misunderstood you.

You are definitely not a troll. I'm a little confused about why the woman who called you that was so offended by your comment. It's not even her blog! It was pretty disrespectful for her to assume that the blog author needed her to address your comment. That really put Bananas in a bad position.

Just come to my place. I always appreciate your windy douchehole comments!

carrie said...

Heh.

Trolls would totally wear Crocs, and hammer pants.

But not you, I love all your comments girlie! And as far as differing opinions on my blog, it's never been taken too far 9lucky me) but sometimes people just need to think before they react and there are definitely times during the month where I know my fingers on the keyboard would be lethal and I should just stay away. But I love a good, like you said, RESPECTFUL discussion and I'm always happy to see one when it takes place where people don't call others names or cross those lines (which, it would be helpful to know where those lines are - as they are diff. for each one of us).

Anyway, now that I've written a comment worthy (in length only) of one of yours, it's time to sign off.

Keep on a rockin.

carrie said...

I don't know why I put a 9 in front of the word lucky . . . go figure!

carrie said...

Oh, and one more thing (and then I promise I'll go . . .) -

I loved how we all disageed politely in that Croc post - some love 'em some hate 'em but we didn't call each other douche bags for our opinions.

Sigh.

If only the presidential debates could be run that way. And no, I will not be discussing politics at this time! You can thank me later! :)

Scout's Honor said...

Leslie: Thanks Leslie. I had my husband read and re-read my comment trying to figure out where someone could get condescending, and judgmental. I was going crazy because it was entirely not what I meant. I'm glad you didn't read it that way. And thank, girl, Windy Douchehole will always hang at your blog.

Carrie: Hehehe. Windy Redux is thy name. Yep, respectful differing opinions rock. I totally agree about your croc post. See that is what makes blogs fun when you get a variety of experiences. I am glad you appreciate my comments. Let me know if I ever go over the line. I guess I am too backward to figure it out for some blogs. Funny about that "9." I was looking at it sideways trying to figure out what it meant like it was some cool way to emote. Hehehe. What, no politics? That's when the real crazies....errrr...I mean devoteds come out on my blogs.:)

Update to all: I guess I really got my feelings hurt that my sincere comment was misunderstood and I was called a troll. Thanks to Bananas for dealing with the wild, drama-filled comments flying and letting me get my last thought down before she closed comments. Sorry fo' the drama. You rock Bananas. And, to you, my readers, thanks for your support. I kept reading and re-reading my comment saying how did it go so wrong. I think it was just Windy Douchehole strikes again moment.

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