United States of Motherhood: The "F" Bomb

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The "F" Bomb

CG has a filthy f@&king mouth. What? What?!

Okay, me too. But! I am trying to stop the madness which has been him rubbing off on me. I also need to remind everyone once again I swear 1/12th as much in person as I do on my blog. Really. Really. Ask Erin.

So I called him on it. He has always maintained that a little swearing is good if it is in context. I know he's always thought it was cute when each of our kids in all their precious, early toddlerdom innocence used a four letter word -- "in context."

Whatever, it's always horrified me.

CG's swearing of late? Well, my friends it's dripped off the plate of context and turned into an ugly adjective, an adverb, and a noun.

Remember how in 8th grade you suddenly had a gutter mouth to make you sound like you were in high school? Remember sitting in front of some early teens in a movie and listening them dropping F bombs like they were candy?

You know: "Stop being a f#%k face Jenny and f^*&ing give me the f%^&ing popcorn, you f%*#!"

Yep, that's CG. A filthy-mouthed thirteen year old. Except my husband is older than Jesus! He's 34 for Christsakes fucks sakes Godsakes by Jiminey Cricket!

The F bomb is a frequent guest at our dinner table, on his work conference calls, and most often in front of the children. So much so that the kids say it or spell and think they can get away with it.

So much so that I had to remind them that the F bomb was not appropriate to use at the chi-chi French restaurant that we were meeting one of Daddy's former work colleagues/friend and his very young family.


So I called him on it the other day and he is making progress. Only 1-2 times daily has been the average.

This really is an improvement.

So much better than when he burned himself the other night and screamed "Fuuuuuck! Fucck! Fuuuuuuuuuck!" Over and over again and in such rapid succession that I came running thinking he had impaled himself on a kabob or some silly kitchen nonsense.

Nope, just hot oil on the eyelid. Okay, probably a justified use of the F Bomb once or twice. NOT 12-15 times. Loudly. Did I mentioned LOUDLY???

Soooo very farking loud that the neighborhood kids heard him. They were in front of the house playing on the street. He was soooo loud that they heard EVERY word. They mentioned it to PB, Eldest, and Li'l Man.

Nice, eh?

And if they heard it, I am sure every kid in the block heard it. And their moms. Christ! Errr crapsticks....Criminies!

So he seems a bit more restrained and chagrined about his behavior today, except he started to supplant the F Bomb with words that I am not sure are improvements.

Remember this second video? Yep, he plays it --a lot. What would be his favorite phrase from it?

Every few minutes for the last hour he has shouted loudly, as I startle,

"Turds From a Whore!"

Nice! So much more classy. I am not sure the neighborhood will agree.

*Blog notes: thanks for the fabulous Flickr pics by markuz and by ruSSeLL hiGGs and by Pig Sty Avenue so I didn't have to say that filthy word.


Avitable said...

My wife and I have to remember to tone our language down when we're out to dinner and there are kids present, but since we don't have kid, it just doesn't fuckin' occur to us.

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

LOL thank you so much for this post...and for letting me know I feel normal knowing we are not the only family that occationall...everyday...say a few bad words.

Scout's Honor said...

Avitable: Hehehe. I hear you. You should have heard CG and I before we had kids. We were in the military and I was enlisted before becoming an officer. Add recovering Mormon. It makes for one filthy mouth.

However, it's sobering when your angelic cherub of an 18 month old, says in the grocery store, in front of the stick-up-her-butt colonel's wife who holds my husband's career by the balls, "oh, fuck." No drama. Just matter of fact when I said I was having problems finding the black beans. Hmmm...We had intentions of toning it down when we had kids. I can control it. CG has problems especially in front of my very conservative, Mormon side of the family. His language can often shock them.

Dawn: So yep, we try to control it, but the F Bomb is a frequent visitor. I do try to come up with creativity, but "turds from a whore" just doesn't roll off my tongue. We polled the kids at the dinner table about our language.

They pinned me with gutter mouth when I drive. Ummm... No fucking duh! Being a fast driving Californian driver and then coming to Washington ,the state where drivers do not follow slower traffic keep to the right, drive slower in the carpool lane than the flow of traffic, don't allow people to pass, and do not pull over for emergency vehicles, just chaps my hide.

As for that poll for CG, the kids ratted him out as someone who swears 24/7. No context, my friends. No context. Sigh. Time to cut back or get creative.

Beau said...

It's not cute when the kids swear in context, its using the words properly.

I've been trying to cut back. I only dropped 2 F bombs yesterday, and 3 today. And only one (I think) was around the kids.

imhelendt said...

Fuck Beau. That's really fucking bad. What the fuck is wrong with you two?!? LOL! Sitting here laughing so hard son #1 just came through and said "What the heck are you laughing at, Mom?" I have trouble with the F bomb. LOL! I *LOVE* the f bomb. LOL!!!!!!!!

Beau said...

Helen - you are alright!

Related Posts Widget for Blogs by LinkWithin