United States of Motherhood: Who Knew!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Who Knew!

"Aren't you proud of me today? I went to Williams-Sonoma and I didn't buy anything," he says triumphantly this last Sunday.


Anyone else out there have a metrosexual husband? He is proud of the fact he bought no new culinary implements, but lets his wife paint the outside of the house, power wash the patio, trim the trees and shrubs, and only mows the lawn once every blue moon. Guess who mows every week between those blue moons?

Yep, me.

He makes jokes that his next wife will have her wisdom teeth out already and no school loans to pay off. Well, sweetheart, my next husband will do yard work and be handy around the house instead of collect kitchen tools and do laundry because I yearn for traditional roles about now with my broken nails, sunburned back, and rough, dirt encrusted palms.

Who knew an Eagle Scout and Army Captain wouldn't do dirty work?!


Anyone else have fantasy of Mike Rowe?

Yeah. Me too. For now, I just look like Mike Rowe.



Nora Bee said...

Hello! Yes, I have one of these husbands. He gets all offended when I think it's hot when he does work around the house. Well, lah dee dah...

Amelia said...

I can safely say my husband does not do work around the house, but he is vain like a girl. He spends three times as much as I would ever dream of spending on getting his hair cut. He also has this weird baldness paranoia, like he *constantly* checks to see if he is going bald (dude you have more hair than most women). I believe this qualifies him as a metrosexual.

Amelia said...

Oh and he also files his nails.

If I don't comment here again, it's because he killed me.

Amelia said...

He wishes to clarify by phone that he does do outside work, and not 'dishes and shit' (which is true).

He also says that he files his nails for my benefit (ahem), and that I am in general a 'difficult bitch.'

So there we go.


the Difficult Bitch

Zuper Zee said...

I'm happy to say that my hubby does all the yard work AND buys me stuff from Williams Sonoma AND Pottery Barn! :-)

But that doesn't mean I don't drool over Mike Rowe. That man is HAWT!!!!

Avitable said...

I don't do yard work - that's what the lawn guy is for. My wife does most of the minor repairs and painting so that she doesn't have to wait for the handyman to do it. I'm totally a metrosexual and proud of it.

Not a Granny said...

Hubby does the outside work.

I pay someone to do the house cleaning.

I like to enjoy my wine! :)

Beau said...

We each do our parts, don't we?

Laundry, dishes...

There are things that our time is more valuable than (painting the outside of the house) or can be done once a week on Saturday (mowing the lawn and if it was mowed on Wendesday, doing it 4 days later is silly).

Scout's Honor said...

nora bee: Thank you for letting me know I am not alone. Ha! I think I will lah dee dah CG next time he mows the lawn. or maybe gasp and fall dead to the ground. Hehehe.

Amelia: You called your husband a girl. Ha! So CG isn't super vain...ummm...obviously since he wears white shin high socks on occasion. However, I have seen him file his nails. Note CG does dishes and shit, but he lies about the outdoor work. There's still a pile of logs behind our garden shed from August 2007. They'd be gone if I knew how to use a chain saw. Instead I wait for him to do some outdoor work and get rid of those farking logs like how I waited for him to change the lightbulbs. Gah!

Scout's Honor said...

Amelia: Oh, and what would he do without you, you difficult bitch. Love it!

Zuper Zee: Girl, so lucky. And as for good old Mike, scrumptious!

Avitable: Those yard guys don't do as good as a job and cost over $200-300+ a month for weekly service. Don't forget we live in Seattle with copious rain and 10 PM sunsets in summer because we are so far north. Even now it rains. It makes for very green super growth. And considering we are in the 5 digit credit card balance on two different cards, a good portion due to tuition and books from someone's MBA program, we can't afford it. And through out our marriage, when we were in the military housing, we could never afford it. To me, the money is better spent on our 3 kids and $3000 mortgage and $1200 grocery bill. Besides, it seems ridiculous to spend $200 at a gym so someone else can charge you for the physical effort to cut your grass, right? Free exercise right there. I don't mind the Metro Sexualness and doing most of the home projects myself if I get at least 10% Mike Rowe helpfullness thrown in without bitching and complaining or diggin in heels like a three year old. Dude, my husband has done yard work for his mother when he visits. Just not here.

Avitable said...

My philosophy is always, "Why do something if you can pay someone else to do it?" And we're in Florida where things grow pretty thick, too. But I have a lawn guy and a shrub guy and a pool guy and a handyman and house cleaners. It just makes my life easier!

Scout's Honor said...


Oh, baby you know I am calling bull shite, aight?

We each do our parts, don't we? So you do laundry for you and the kids and probably half of the dishes. You certainly don't make dinner, except for the rare occasion. What about cleaning house gutters, mopping floors, vaccuuming, mowing the lawn, edging the lawn, trimming the shrubs, dusting furniture, weeding, scrubbing toilets, getting kids to swimming.... The list goes on and on. You chose two you tolerate and let the rest be damned.

I won't bother with special projects like painting of which early in our marriage you were amenable.

Yes, there are things in our life in which our time is more valuable than (painting the outside of the house), but I refer you two those two double digit credit cards and the thought a better paying job might help. But you get pissy when I suggest getting a new job for a salary rather that self-fulfillment.

As for the lawn, you never do it even on Saturdays or if there is a sprinkling of rain because it might damage the lawn. What the living fuck? That didn't work in California and it certainly doesn't work here in Seattle when there's rarely a Saturday when it DOESN'T RAIN! Stop making excuses. What about Alaska when I was 9 months pregnant and mowing the lawn? The lawn isn't on a 7 days cycle. It needs to be mowed when it is simply too long, aight? GAH! My fingers are itching toward the rolling pin, my husband. Trembling fingers....

Scout's Honor said...

Avitable: So true that life is easier if someone else does it but it's a financial issue as well.

Not to be critical, but you don't have three kids to pay for now with their school supplies, dental bills, upcoming braces, clothing for bodies that grow two weeks later, and their swimming fees and their looming college careers with pitiful college accounts.

You aren't paying six digits for a husband getting his MBA on a salary that has not had an increase larger that cost of living in FIVE years.

Let's not forget I hope to go back to school when he gets done...

You are not driving a retarded SUV because you have a family of five, 2 dogs, and all their junk which get 13 mpg. My gasoline last month was over $500.

You haven't been to the ER seven times in the past year with kids broken bones and mysterious rashes.

Honestly, I lived life quite differently when we had no children.

Now we do and they have to be my priority. Thus seeing my husband futzing on youtube and creating Ubuntu shells on a weekend all the while as I sweat my ass off clipping hedges and mowing lawns gets me in a hellacious temper.

Just saying. I envy you. Kids are fucking expensive. Three kids which I would trade for nothing else. Three kids which I would sacrifice everything for...

Avitable said...

Oh, I know our situations are totally different. Of course, I do have almost half a million in student loan debt and I own a national business that I'm currently still paying out of pocket for until it reaches the next level, but I'm well aware that I have it well. I just wanted to show you exactly how useless your husband could be. He could be like me! :)

Scout's Honor said...

Avitable: Okay, dude, you officially rock if you didn't before.

Thanks for the chuckle.

I'm sure not useless at all. My god, you helped me play my husband by telling him there was a really cool t-shirt on Avitable he needed. He got one look at the scrots and riped his eyes out. Very, very usefull, my friend.

And you did remind me at least we don't have my student loans to pay off. CG paid for them. Hehehe!

But don't I least got you on owing over half-million on real estate? Hehehe. Okay, I'll stop the competitive how much my life costs one upsmanship.

Can we talk about Bejing? The have a half-billion that live on less than $2 a day and yet the lavish olympics. Thoughts people? My sacrificial mommy screams at that one too. The waste. The water fountains when their crops are in a drought.

I guess there's a martyr syndrom that I need to beat out with that rolling pin, eh?

Avitable said...

What do you think I live in some type of hovel or something? You don't have me there, either. :P

I'm very opposed to the Olympics being held somewhere like Beijing. Oh well.

Whit said...

I do about 70% of the daily housework and 99% of the outdoor stuff. I also manscape and will spend an hour in Crate and Barrel. Basically, I'm a fucking catch.

Scout's Honor said...

Whit Whit, my friend, Mr. Honey, that was never in doubt. You are a fucking catch!

But, the real question is do you file your nails and spend three times as much time doing your hair and looking for bald spots like Mr. Amelia?

Avitable: Sheesh. No splediferous scrots could be housed in a hovel. Stop being a silly monkey. You got me on living in a Florida jungle. :)

Avitable said...

I do enjoy the fact that you got him to look at my post - genius!

imhelendt said...

No man wearing those socks could be considered metrosexual. ;D

Scout's Honor said...

Avitable: Yep, he said his eyes burned.

Helen: So true. So very true. I'm trying to get the man to buy some cool shoes too. He buys one pair and wears them until they have holes. so foreign to me as his wife that has over 100 pairs. It's a sacrilege.

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