United States of Motherhood: Fruit Flies From Hell

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Fruit Flies From Hell

Such an innocuous bunch of bananas, they were.

Common in fact.

Smooth yellow.

Medium sized.

They weren't designer bananas. Nothing special. Not even organic. Perfect for a morning nosh.

They were put in the pantry shelf with baby tomatoes, sweet potatoes, onion, and citrus fruits.

They were forgotten.

When I went to make banana bread upon remembering them and seeing their now brown exterior, I found they were moving.

Yes, my friends, moving.

I peeled back their leathery skins and found maggots, worms, weevils, what ever in God's name they are.

I threw them out and thought that's that.

They must have matured elsewhere because one week later, they buzz around our breakfast juice.

They love, love, love my Cabernet. I left out my wine last night and found 20 drowned little fly baby carcasses.

I've thrown out tomatoes. Dumped all citrus and still they persist.

Those little fuckers!

Fruit flies are the gift that keep on giving. You know like a bad fart that lingers when your husband wafts the sheets. Oh, better yet the letter that came home, the 2nd this month, that said there are lice in Li'l Man's 1st grade class.


My friends, I am about to bring out the big guns. I have never had fruit flies in all my 12 years of domestic married life.

I am thinking napalm.


I prefer organic home remedies like beer for snails, but they seem to like my Cab and damned if I'm giving them my Cab.



I killed all the little fackers. Read how here.
Blognotes: Thanks for the great flickr pics from by mwgoh08's photostream , shioshvili and by -eko-'s photostream.


Shana said...

I don't have any remedies! I'm dealing with a few of those little shits myself!

Don't even get me started on lice! Those little bastards called my kids' heads home two years in a row. Last year we managed to avoid infestation and this year so far we have only had one notice...I refuse to let those things back in my house!

Good luck with your flies. I will let you know if I find anything that works on mine...

Scout's Honor said...

Comments from Lisa:

ahhh, I read your blog...as evidenced by the fact that I'm currently getting caught up on November's posts. I almost posted a few minutes ago about your "left the lil' man at home" blog. I feel your pain so much on that one...and I really appreciate you being willing to post. I think we could all benefit from being a little more transparent about our good days and bad (but I'm glad that you went first!).

Thanks for blogging...your blog is one of my favorites. Especially your pinnup girl images. =)

Kandace said...

In honor of trying to reduce the amount of garbage I have to take to the dump each month now that I stay home and the dump has become my duty and all I've started composting all of the food garbage we have. Just last night, I saw a mass swarm of those devilish suckers flying in and out of the compost canister that sits on my counter. Mortified I quickly shut the canister...Now I'm scared to open it.

No remedies here except HIDE THE FRUIT!

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

Alas, I too have no remedy...I have a countertop can I use for kitchen scraps, and a fruit bowl...and no matter how diligent I am at keeping the bad stuff out...I still get them...they've even been so braisen as to go to the second floor and fly in my face while I sit in bed and watch tv...oh I smack at them as if they were the size of a cantalope.

sharalyns said...

Make sure to clean out the pea trap in the sinks as they love to colonize there.

Otherwise, you need Tupperware for the fruits and veggies (have you seen the FridgeSmart line?). And take out the trash *every* night. No food lying around *anywhere* or they just keep reproducing.

Good luck!

carrie said...

All I have to say about that is "ewwwww."

I am sorry.

Molly said...

In my job description as a Store Manager of Starbucks...I practically have a degree in the science and habits of fruit and any type of dirt fly.

So in my professional opinion....find anywhere and anything that is damp or wet. this could be a babywipe, wet towel, damp sponge thrown under the sink. Its time to do a deep dive into all the little crevices and dark warm areas of your house. Goodluck and let the force be with you.

luv ya molly

Leslie said...

Ha! I have a solution, thanks to my bloggy bud SusieJ!


P.S. My word verification: turlity

Tendrils said...

Ok, this sounds weird, but it does work! A small bowl of vinegar with a few drops of dish soap in it. Seriously.....it works!

Scout's Honor said...

Thanks for the tips. I killed all the fackers. Every last damned one:

I killed all the little fackers. Read how here:


Anonymous said...

In one of your former blogs you mention your birthday. Well I didn't want the week to end and not say happy birthday Scout. So here's to you HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
sincerely, Kristina

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