United States of Motherhood: This Santa is a Meany, Selfish, Tree Hugging, Pushover Putz

Sunday, December 21, 2008

This Santa is a Meany, Selfish, Tree Hugging, Pushover Putz

People, we are on day five of snow days. We lost those three last crucial days of school when Moms shop, wrap, and tie up loose ends without curious eyes.

I prepared for class teacher gifts and organized class gingerbread house parties...for naught. Our school district is full of p...p...pansies.

Instead we've had screeching kids that more often than not I lock out in the snow.

Really. It's okay. They like it.

They've made snow men and snow angels and snow ball fight arsenals. Don't they look so innocent when covered in snow?

They've also been working ever last nerve in their teasing and whining not just this week, but for the entire last month. So much so that I said words that are hard to take back to Eldest.

Something along the lines of "You've done it. You've lost Christmas presents. All of them."

Yes, I am mean, but do you have a 12 year old that tells his father in those most disrespectful way that he "just needs to be quiet?"

A 12 year old that deliberately bullies his little sister?

A 12 year old that throws anything and everything in the house like we were on a playground and damages walls and breaks others' possessions with little sincere remorse other than being caught? Impulse control is at a all time low.

Yep, he's lucky to be alive and generally unharmed. He's lipping. He's talking back. He's lying. He's disobeying. We are pulling out our hair and the only thing left to take away as a consequence to behavior was Christmas. He really was given multiple chances.

And yet he crossed that line.

So now, I've been doing everything to give him opportunities to earn presents back. CG disapproves. He thinks I'm wishy-washy, but hey, I am the mother who stood firm when she threatened no birthday party and then followed through.

Yet? I don't want to follow through on this.

So, after whiteout conditions and 70 mph winds last night, mother nature threw me a bone. You see every last flake in the neighborhood seems to have eddied and landed in our front yard. We are talking feet deep, hard to open front door snow. The neighbors across the street have a pristine driveway. Grrrr...

So yesterday we tried to buy a snow shovel in preparation and they were sold out everywhere. So I used a leaf blower, broom, and child's play snow shovel to clear the front porch and drive. Then my back was toast, just in time for a awesome neighbor to offer his shovel.

Do you see the golden opportunity yet? Yes, my friends. Hard labor and a strong 12 year old back, and I come away the softy, but firm mommy that saved Christmas for Eldest through very selfish, self-centered ways for this Santa Mommy.

So, he's in snow gear digging the long driveway out.

I said it was an opportunity to earn presents back. This is good because those presents are bought and paid for and damned if I am not giving them to him.

There's more snow in the forecast for tonight and tomorrow which should be good for the rest of the presents and maybe a stocking or two.

Bonus? He'll be so bone-tired maybe he'll curb the attitude and teasing.

And CG? Pthththhwt. I know he wanted me to give him coal, but Moms are just not wired to take Christmas from their babies...even if those babies are going through some very ugly puberty-driven, attitude-filled, hateful driven behavior.

Really, my friends, could you deny Christmas to kids like these who oooh-awwwe over every ornament they put up?

Speaking of which I've just started our Christmas letter this year. Yep, a bit late as usual and since mail isn't going out here, I have the perfect excuse to send electronically. Ha! It's a more green way to be for Christmas. Speaking of saving trees, here's my first paragraph:

I have deemed we will not be getting a fresh tree after all this year. Sigh. Christmas and inclement weather came so fast and between arranging class parties, it was all I could do to throw up some holly here, one artificial tree there, some wreathes there, and call it a day. My seasonal décor mania demands I hit the other EIGHT crates of holiday décor. The voices in my mind say, “But, we always have two trees…” Oh, wait, that wasn’t the voices; that was PB applying guilt that I will resist. Heh! I just sit here with my glass of wine, my trusty dogs curled by my side, and my wool socks toasty warm and plug my ears while chanting “lalalala.”

So did you get that? This year will be a one tree Christmas this year. Sigh. Sad. I know. We never found the time between snow days and swim meets to get a fresh tree and now everything is shut down in this p...p...pansy of a town.

And yet? I am okay with this. I keep hearing a snarky version of John Denver's "Save the Trees for Your Tomorrow:"

See?! I'm a farking tree hugging hero!! That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Happy Holidays to all and to all a good pre-teen, shoveled driveway, and at least one tree decorated.


Dumblond said...

What part of the Seattle 'Burbs do you live in? If more punishment is needed, your first born could always come and shovel my driveway in Kingston. It's nice and long and steep.
All the snow shovels around here are gone too. Not surprising considering how slammed we are getting here...serves me right for not buying one after our snow last year...
Hope the rest of your holidays are cheery and bright. And pre-teen angst free!

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

I have been "this close" to cancelling Christmas myself...I mean I think it's the time of year that I have had it "up to here" with the attitude and disobedience, and I think they should be all grateful for the fact that they know they will be bombarded with gifts...just because.
But like you I just can't bring myself to do it...maybe next year we'll volunteer at a soup kitchen so they can SEE what it's like to have nothing...

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