Thursday, February 28, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 9:02 PM
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 8:07 AM
Thursday, February 21, 2008
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 6:55 AM
I took my first sip of coffee.
In my mouth went some creamy, slightly sweetened, superstrong coffee. Mmmmm...
I took my second sip...
I got a chunk of cream.
Blek! I tried not to spew as we hurtled down the freeway. With no recourse, I swallowed the liquid around the chunk and then gingerly drooled/wiped my tongue/spit out the chunkiness onto the top of my mug. I turned on the overhead light and saw a disgusting chunk. I open my mug and there layed a field of chunkiness.
Ugggh. My thoughts went to CG's less than diligent dishwashing. Then my thoughts went to the time this weekend when I might have left the milk out for too long. Bingo! Double yuck.
I called up CG on my cell to warn him to not let the kids use the milk for cereal. I know. I know. So cliche. Mommy in oversized SUV on cell with phone in one hand and coffee in other, driving too fast, steering with knees with overhead light on while kid watches movie on flip down screen in back obscuring in rear vision. I take my bow now.
Back to the call:
Me: I think the milk is bad. I had chunks in my coffee.
Me: What? So just throw it out.
CG: It's cream cheese.
Me: No, I didn't say cream cheese. I said there cheesy chunks in my coffee. It's the milk.
CG: No, it's cream cheese.
Me: Why would there be cream cheese in my coffee?
CG: I stirred your coffee with the knife you used for your bagel.
Me: WHAT? You stirred my coffee with a dirty knife with cream cheese on it?! Did you at least wipe it off?
Me: *&^%$ *&^%$$% !!!!!!!
So, said knife was only maybe 3-4 feet from the drawer where we keep the silverware. You know! The one with the spoons! The clean spoons which are generally used to stir coffee. It was on top of a paper towel. You know the kind that can be used to wipe off cream cheese laden knives?
Men can be so freaking lazy at 5 AM when they make their women their coffee. Jeeez!
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 6:22 AM
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Yep, we Seattleites are worse than Englishmen in the sun. We go sun-mad! Sun-crazee! Oh, the glory of that bee-u-tiful sun. I would kiss you, o sun gods, if I could. I would do other things to .... if I weren't happily married.
Where was I? Oh yes. So, funny I said happily. You see, loading up the bikes on my car's bike's rack was not so happy yesterday. Arrgh! Lots of grumpy words with the hubs. It seems that in the interim from the last time we used the rack, we purchased children's bikes with frames that don't fit on that pricey $400 piece o' shite. So, after grumbling and saying he wasn't trying hard enough, we got on our way, a half-hour late to meet friends at Pine Lake. PB's bike, in it's oily glory, was inside the car. So convenient we have a bike rack.
The park was beautiful. As Seattle kids are wont to do, the more sun they get the more brutish. Li'l Man got kicked in the head from a brute named Eldest on a swing. Did the bugger with a knot on his head cry? Nope, only a goofy grin. Now, don’t get me wrong, there were some tears here and there. Li'l Man got full-on tackled by a mate, but the sun easily smoothed it over. We tripped over and over in our sun drunken sun madness. We played football, soccer, ran around like monkeys; okay maybe the kids did because I'm still walking funny from all the biking we did the last few days.
Then on we went to Mercer Island for swim practice. The sun glinted on Lake Washington giving me hallucinations of spring. I ran myself to a grocery store with Eldest while poor PB swam in a bubble, hidden from the sun. There we purchased twenty-five primroses to plant. Lush primrose. Did I mention I have three huge bags of bulbs still to plant? I planted half of them last night as the evening sun went down.
Today, my kids looked battle-scarred from the sun. They have scrapes, bruises, gashes, and grass-stained knees. I asked Eldest how he got a particularly good one on his forearm. His response,"Ummm. I have no idea Mom. Don't know, don't care."
Yep, it's lucky we Seattle freaks don't see the sun too often or there would be riots in the streets.
Today, everything is back to it's normal self. It's dark. It's gloomy. Rain is on the horizon. It seems that our plans to go skiing in the mountains will be dashed. They've forecast rain even on the slopes. Bleck. Skiing in slurpies. Not going to happen. Planting the rest of those primroses and bulbs in the drizzle. You guessed it right! Not going to happen.
So, back to the gloom, we Seattle masses go back to being the most educated city in the United States. We hit the libraries. We hit the cafes to discuss politics. We mommies and kids on winter break go to the museums.
It seems so anti-climatic to go to a museum after yesterday's amazing sun. Sniffle. We'll probably hit a movie next. Meh!
I wish I had pictures of yesterday to reminisce, but I was too busy getting hysterical about the bikes---must get thee to sun-soaked glade now--to remember my camera. I did read something wonderful though that make me laugh:
Fellow Seattle blogger Absolutely Bananas wrote about her very humorous, kinda creepy sun-drenched experiences yesterday here.
Daring Young Mom also gave us a clue to what happens when our vampire-like beings get pictures taken in the sun.
See, I am not alone. We Seattleites do strange things in the sun. Watch out!
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 7:47 AM
So, some people thought that Denny's would have been a better choice than my high-brow breakfast on Monday. Whatever!
However, to tell the whole truth, we don't always eat that way. Everything evens itself out. All in moderation.
For instance this lunch the next day:
See, no carbs unless you count the four Trader Joe unsalted blue corn tortilla chips with flax seeds. Lots of monounsaturated fats in the organic avocados. Tons of vitamins, carotenoid luteins, phytonutrients, beta carotene, plant sterols, in the avocado and again in the organic tomato. Crammed with calcium from the fresh mozzarella. Drizzled with olive oil, lemon juice, kosher salt, and fresh ground pepper. Ummm...yum!
People, are you not impressed? Admit it! You covet my lunch!
Okay, maybe I chose the lunch for it's colors. It'd matched my mood. Did I mention it's still SUNNY in Seattle?
Life, my friends, is gewd!
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 7:06 AM
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Well, last night we went for another hour long bike ride. Just so you know, this is the first time I've used my bike in oh...over a year. So what happens when you over do it on a bike?
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 10:05 AM
Monday, February 18, 2008
Ok, not really. It's from me and I've never had Coke-glazed Spam.
Step One: Take one plump, tender, deliciously flour-y Orowheat County Potato Roll. Or two. Make it three. Carbs = Gewd.
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 9:32 AM
IT'S STILL SUNNY. Cold (31 degrees), but sunny. Life is good.
All pictures taken by me on my walk at 8 AM this morning. Gorgeous? Definitely. I'm hoping it makes
my family anybody you want to visit me !
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 8:06 AM
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Do notice that CG has NOT acclimatized! Here he is wearing his full length pants, vampire sunglasses, and hoodie while Li'l Man soaks up the rays. CG thinks he's hard?? Pashaw!
I don't think we have been so active in a very long time. It's amazing what a little sun will do for your energy reserves. I haven't felt this good in a while.
Here's to wishing you all have sunny weather ahead.
We are off to the movies. Something about Spiderwick, blah, blah, blah...
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 5:09 PM
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 10:31 AM
Saturday, February 16, 2008
- TWO Noah's gigantic cheese bagels with butter
- THREE pieces of said thick-sliced bacon
- 1 Fried Egg
- 1 large Strawberry
Hollow leg! You don't even want to know what Eldest eats. At 5'2" and 100 lbs, the kid is a skinny black hole. He does burn 1000 calories a practice at swimming, but still. He hasn't even hit puberty yet.
Our grocery bill already routinely hits $1000.
In the name of Thor, what will it be when these boys really start to grow?!
CG and I are screwed. Kaput. We might as well invest in Costco. They will own us.
So much for college, I think they will eat us before they make it. If you haven't heard from me in a while, give a call to our next of kin. I can see the headlines now. Young, ravenous boys eat their mother.
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 11:01 AM
Friday, February 15, 2008
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 9:21 AM
Thursday, February 14, 2008
What do you get your husband of eleven years? He, who gives you everything? Including morning coffee, without fail.
CG thought it looked like a pill.
Does anyone think this shirt bears a striking resemblance to Lady Kier's outfit in the "Groove is in the Heart" video below? I still thinks it's hot and he's pimptastically cool enough to pull it off.
Now, where will he wear it?
Who knows! With swimming, kids, getting his MBA, we haven't been on a date in months.
By the way, he earned serious points for the red roses and card for me and valentines cards for the kids. He's a well-trained husband! Good boy!
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 8:53 AM
Yes, they do say "I'm stuck on you."
I was so proud. He is so self-sufficient. He's definitely the third child. Easy to please. Sometimes forgotten in the rush to get things done for the older two. And fine, so far, to be left to do his own thing. I feel guilty his Valentines aren't super personalized, but to him, they are enough. They are perfection. I should follow his lead. Maybe enough is just fine...
Nah! We'll do better for him next year.
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 8:14 AM
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Our router doesn't seem to be working. After being cut off from the internetz for the longest 239.5 minutes of my life, here I sit.
I'm in the coat closet. Shhh! Don't tell anyone.
You see, our high-speed cable modem is in our coat closet.
How lame am I??
CG told me before he left for class that I'd have to connect the old-fashioned way. I've been wireless for so long, I didn't even know how! I told him it was ok 'cause it's not like I have to be constantly tapped in, right?
Are you laughing??? He was when I told him that.
One hour later, I was texting him during his class.
"How in bloody hell do I get connected? Oh, that blue cable thingy goes in the back of my laptop?"
Yep, I popped my laptop's cherry. She'd never had a cable in her before.
After a call to
the pimptastic cable mating service Comcastic for a reset, it worked.
She's liking it in this dark coat closet. Her fans are a-humming and she is connected with her lurve, the internetz!
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 8:46 PM
Honest quotes today:
Yes, you know I roll like that. I put my laptop down on the closed toilet seat while washing my hands and CG thought it would be funny to whip his organ o' love out and poise it above my keyboard. Honey, so NOT funny!
"You pee on my keyboard, and you are dead to me."
"Can you smell my breath? I think it smells like poo."
Nice. Where was this in my wedding vows, I ask you?? I finally smelled it while squinting and hoping my eyes didn't water. Noooo, it didn't smell like poo. However, it wasn't quite fresh either. Hmmmm..... It smelled familiar.
Then, I realized.
It smelled exactly like my first boy friend, Scott Keener's mouth tasted. Weird. It smelled like a 16-year-old kid's mouth tastes. I'm not sure CG was pleased with that assessment.
Love and marriage. Can you feel the romance after eleven years?!
Sorry, I'm a-feelin' the music today so I gots to go to a throw back from my rave days. What? You didn't think Republicans went to raves? You'd be surprised.
Yes, CG, "I couldn't dance with another!"
The groove is in my heart. I'll smell your breath anyday.
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 1:34 PM
Eldest is down. Eldest is done. Yet another blow from all that is germy. I can hear this echoing in my head:
People, I am the only one left is this home of retch and frothy poo who has not succumbed. I am the last domino is this house of cards. How's that for euphemisms?
I can not get sick. I am a party mom in charge of 24 third graders' ferverent hearts and dreams of the best class party ever. I will give that to them because I am the bitchin'-est party mom ever.
Which do you like better?
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 10:47 AM
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
And, he bought me my first 12-pack of beer to take to a party. Big points, big brother. Mega points.
You see he has a talent for finding the most disgusting of traffic scenes such as real pictures of actual people CUT IN HALF AND DISEMBOWLED from car accidents while texting. He forwards me pictures of athletes taking a leak on the Olympic field. Pictures of pumpkins shaped like sex organs.
Dude, really twisted stuff.
So if you are having a bad day and feeling sorry for yourself, remember: Going through life is hard enough, but to go through life looking like a dick with buck teeth must be horrible.
Oh! That is so sweet. Thanks big brother! You're a champ. I feel much better! Love you, Kelly!
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 8:58 PM
I'm not sure if this video is for the troll or the obediant husband. Kisses!
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 9:01 AM
Monday, February 11, 2008
I am so blessed to have these two.
They are beautiful from the inside out.
PB wore my wedding jewelry. She was so proud. She preened in the mirror...then turned a little green.
Can you see CG thinking, "If she throws up in my car...Woman, you are mine. I'll throw the whole Saltine box at you?
She insisted she wasn't sick, so off the two of them went. CG gave her a gallon Ziploc in the car, just in case.
When the Princess Baby and CG returned, PB rushed in and handed me a red tulip. She said she had fun. They actually had pictures taken at the dance--like a real prom.
CG pulled me aside later and said she could only stand a few minutes at a time.
That PB is one determined girl.
Oh, well, I just keep flicking these germs off like the troll fleas I've been having?
What you don't have troll fleas?!
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 1:21 PM
Sunday, February 10, 2008
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 1:41 PM
Saturday, February 9, 2008
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 3:25 PM
Yep, the plague has taken little PB as it's latest victim. So, instead of going to bed early, to be ready for the swim meet this week-end, I stayed up with her until 3:30 AM, with bowl after bowl at the ready. Final number 15.
We were a no-show at the swim meet. While Eldest is healthy, after staying up all night, I didn't trust myself to be driving at 5:30 AM to a meet. He is a bit bummed, but, in the immortal words of Annie, there's always tomorrow.
Did I mention tonight is the Daddy-Daughter dance?
PB is determined she'll be fine. She hasn't thrown up since 6 AM. How long do you think is enough to be safe to go in public? I kept Li'l Man home from school when he had this stomach flu, even though he also was fine by morning.
Crush a little girl's hopes and dreams or spread this festering convergence in Washington? Choices, choices.
In the midst of all this, we made cookies. Mmmm. Cookies. Sweet and buttery. Yummy.
O, how cute. XOXO! Kisses and hugs! I bet you wouldn't want any of that loving from this house of craptacular spew.
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 11:19 AM
Friday, February 8, 2008
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 1:23 PM
Thursday, February 7, 2008
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 2:52 PM
So Eldest, being in said grade, came home excited about a survey the entire school took.
"Mom, they asked three questions."
I, as always distracted with
WHAT! Don't tell me you actually listen to your pre-teens?!
Then he gets to the punchline.
With a certain matter-of-fact pride, he slips out, "I said YES to all three."
What? "What?! What were the questions? " I squeaked.
Flickr picture by AlwaYs Be Cool
My mind fluttered wildly to all the afterschool specials of my yute. Here the little guy was trying to share his heroine addiction and I wasn't even paying attention. Meth-Schmeth!
Rolling his eyes because he too knows he has a mother than doesn't
"Okay, number 1: Have you ever used DRUGS or alcohol? Number two: Do you currently use DRUGS or alcohol? Number three: Do you plan to use DRUGS and alcohol in the future?"
"I said yes."
"Yes--to all three!"
Oh, I am being punished by God for all my retard jokes. Hyperventilating more than a little, I can only apoplexically oogle my first born and hope for more information.
With a slight smirk, cause he's a snarky little bastard, he lilts out the following:
"Well, don't forget I drank that glass of wine when I was 11 months old. And the other day, I drank the rest of Dad's beer during the superbowl because I thought it was rootbeer. So yes to #1. Then, I am sure you guys will keep letting us taste your gross beer and wine, so that's yes to #2. And, while I don't like the taste of alcohol, I'm pretty sure I'll like it as an adult since you and Dad like it so much, so yes I plan to use it in the future. Three yesses."
He's right. He also said at first he wasn't going to say yes to #1 but a girl in his glass asked if it counted if she had a sip of her Mom's wine. The teacher said yes.
Based on these poorly crafted questions, I'm guessing the survey results will have the community up in arms. We have a DRUGS and ALCOHOL problem, yuppy masses. Our beloved children are at risk.
My thoughts, as always, are what a fri-dick-u-lously and poorly-crafted survey. It might have behooved them to separate illegal drugs use with, say, the communion wine, eh? The accidental ingestion and subsequent gross out? The sip of beer, and subsequent spit out and gargle, just to see what beer tastes like. Does anyone think they might get some flawed results?
Then, I had an oh shit moment.
"Please tell me the survey was anonymous?" I already had visions of being called into the principal's office for supplying wine to a minor. CPS would most assuredly be called. I'd be dead to the PTA board. I'd get a stoning from the Home Association.
"Yes, Mom." He sighs impatiently. Whew!
So, now we know if we hear that 3 out of 4 teenagers have taken DRUGS or alcohol in our 'burbs, we should take those results with a grain of salt. Or glass of wine.
Yep, it's offical, we have corrupted our child with the devil's juice.
By the way, the survey didn't ask for the details of admitted alcohol ingestion. Say for instance that glass of wine mentioned. It didn't leave space to mention that we rushed our then only child to the ER when he drank that glass of wine (little devil didn't spill a drop) that I left on the coffee table while unpacking boxes after a 3000 mile move to Alaska. The ER docs laughed at us and sent him home to sleep it off.
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 8:42 AM
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Picture by Jungleboy
Crap. Gotta go. Campaign of Chuck #13 has commenced. We've got problems too.
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 7:47 PM
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 4:34 PM
You see, light helps. Light is good. Full spectrum light. Bright, sunny days would be awesome, but the earth doesn't seem to be listening to me.
So, I'll settle for replacing some lightbulbs because...oh...we only have only 30+ lightbulbs burned out at our house.
Let's look up at the back stairs. No surprise! There's 2 more. Do however note how very useless a skylight is in winter when you live in Seattle.
Running total = 8
Here we come to the downstairs bath. Yep, 2 more. By the way, this picture was taken at NOON. Note claustrophic darkness encroaching upon my very soul.
Running total = 10
Now, we approach the kids' bathroom. Note there are no windows in the shower/commode area which is closed off by a door. Feeling that "Shining" feeling? The kids certainly do since they've used our bathroom for the last week.
Running total = 12
Don't forget the back yard where we have another nine here. Total = 28
And six here. There's another 4 that I didn't even take pics of since they've been burned out so long, I almost forgot they existed. No wonder we never go in the backyard at night. Spooky.
Running Total = 38
At last, but not least, above our heads at the kitchen table where I'm blogging now.
Grand total = 39 burnt out bulbs.
Now, to be fair, maybe the outside ones shouldn't count, but I also didn't check all the lamps in the house, so I'm sure that evens things out a bit.
It's so dark, I can't stand it. Help!
'lisciously scribed by Heather Murphy-Raines @ 1:03 PM