United States of Motherhood: May 2008

Thursday, May 8, 2008

True Confession: Grown Women Pee in Baby Pools?

I cannot for the life of me decide why I am telling you all this, but call me crazy, I'm sure I'm not the only one:

Li'l Man and I have began swimming at our club in anticipation of summer swim league. Yesterday, we swam for a half-hour in the cold pool with lane.

All good.

Then, we decided to hit the warm as bathtub leisure/therapeutic pool. I jumped into it's warm and cloudy depths.

Before I could say Billy Bob Bojangles, I, erm, lost control of my bladder.

Yep, I was peeing in the baby pool.

What was worse was that no matter what I did I couldn't stop. Seriously. Pee-ed buckets.

I was so amazingly shocked and ashamed. I found myself looking left and right. I checked to make sure it wasn't the kind of water that changed color to embarrass the leaker. I was not able to control the natural functions of my body.


What the living hell?! I also have noticed a little tinkle when I cough, sneeze, or look cross-eyed at my dog.

People! I am thirty-five years old--not eighty.

Women in their thirties, even if they had over 10 lbs. babies, should not have this problem. Right?

Not to worry. The doctor's appointment is scheduled for next week.

Stay tuned.

By the way, here's yet another reason to tell your kids not to drink the pool water. Hot lemonade!

Saturday, May 3, 2008

False Alarm, But Middle School is a Minefield

Can you sense my red cheeks through the internetz?

Yep, they're red.

It seems there was no attack after all.

I was all outrage and and attitude with Eldest when he got home. I gave him that pinning outranking officer mommy-stare like,"You betta tell me the whole truth or else it's the brig for you."

I asked him point blank if __________ had attacked him at track.

He looked at me, mirroring my eyebrow arch...

Then he laughed.

"No. We were playing. It was all jokes like when I play with Li'l Man. We were having fun. We were wrestling. Why?"

Oh. Shit. I had forgotten the rules:

Scout Honor's Universal Laws of Insidious Rumors

Telephone Syndrome: Repeated information may vary

Grain of Salt: Consider the source. While my friend is trusted, perhaps the information that was funnelled through a middle school yap morphed the information.

Best Friend Jealousies: Information magically becomes more negative when one's perception is filmed with jealousy or emotion or misery. Yep, misery loves company.

Middle School Drama: Said information then spins on the axis of pre-teen angst and hormones with a side of pimples and morphs beyond recognition.

Benefit of the Doubt: Yep, poke my sleeping mama bear and all logic and common sense goes out the window. I had already tried and convicted the little shit totally innocent, polite, and apparently reformed young man.

In short, I suck.

I had some explaining and listening to do. I got the whole story. I was debriefed.

It seems all of the above rules came into play. It seems _________ did ask for help on his homework--you know the kind where one doesn't do his homework and asks at the lunch table before said class if everyone will help him with the answers.

Ummm...so that's not cool, but not unforgivable. He chose the wrong strategy to get his work done. Everyone makes mistakes.

It seems the group was mad at him because he asked this. It seems there was also another drama afoot that I won't mention except that it clearly didn't involve my son and this kid became a scapegoat.

In short, Eldest said everyone was mad at _________.

Man! Everyone is one unforgiving bastard.

Everyone?" I asked. I was starting to feel now that this kid was the victim, not Eldest.

"Yes, everyone."

"Even you?"


"Why are you mad at him?"

He had no answer.

Ah, enter in gang mentality. He was mad at the kid because his best friends and everyone else was mad. And they were mad because the other friends were mad.

And why they were mad? Dunno. It was a complicated, emotional, illogical, messy middle school chain reaction.

Now, I really felt bad for _________. This was wrong.

I spoke in depth, from recent personal experience, that it seemed like ________ wasn't getting a fair shake.

I added a lot of "How would you feels" and "What do you think is rights."

Yep, I transferred my war crime guilt on him.

Then, I suggested since he wasn't really mad at __________ that he should call him up and let him know that he wasn't alone, that Eldest wasn't mad and he still had a friend that wouldn't take sides. In short, be a good ally and extend the olive branch.

I told him to be like Switzerland.

Then, I explained what that meant: World War II, neutrality, etc.

CG muttered under his breath that we all know what happened to Switzerland. Yep, neutrality and passivity ended in a high-holy evil fascist dictator taking over their country while they became mewling minions of the evil mantra.

Ummm....Didn't this all start because I said he was too passive?

Whatever. I was going to fix it.

So he called up _________ and said although everybody was mad at him, he wasn't and he was still his friend.

__________'s response was, "What?! Everybody is mad at me?"

Oh. Shit.

Apparently, ________ knew nothing about it. So we had harshly let him know his social stigma.

It was an emotional ambush.

We let him have his England under fire bomb attack situation without preparation. It was an unexpected twist in this skirmish.

Yep, we broke neutrality and displayed flawed tactics by inadvertently passing on another rumor intelligence that, "Everybody was mad at him." We were the Kamikazes.

Many middle school war ribbons should go to __________.

He politely thanked Eldest for telling him and told him he appreciated his friendship.

Nice. Not only did I convict him one day. I pushed for Eldest to tell him the bad news. He was Pearl Harbor and we ambushed him like the best. Call us living torpedoes.

Eldest was the Mussolini to my Hitler.

It turns out I forgot a rule:

Keep your mouth shut if you don't have anything good to say.

Oh, and I am sure there will be shoot the messenger implications as well as traitor sentiments on the other side for Eldest.

Damn. I forgot how complicated and political middle school can be. It's like walking through a mine field while negotiating peace treaties.

Yep, I forgot that middle school was mostly about social learning.

Social schooling that I should leave to the middle-schoolers.

I can help, but I need to let Eldest find his own path. His own fighting position. I need to let him choose sides and made amends when they are needed on his own timeline and with his own assets.

Once again, I need to step back. He needs to learn those rules I mentioned all by himself.

I need to stick to parenting strategy and instill in him good leadership traits and then let him implement his own tactics.

Yep, last week I was a bad General Mommy.

Lesson learned, my comrades. Lesson learned.

So then my questions is does this mean high school will be a social nuclear bomb with teen angst fall-out?

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Bully Much?

I just got the kind of call you hate getting from a friend...

It seems that among some unconfirmed gossip and rumors that I promised her I wouldn't mention, there was a possibility than my sixth grader might have been attacked on the track field a few days ago.

Attacked by the same so-called friend that choked him at school last year...
Flickr Photo by mass distraction

That time, there were witnesses. He came home with marks on his neck. From what I understand, except for a call from the vice-principal to me, there were no repercussions.

The mother of this kid never called me or acknowledged her son's behavior, so I've always wondered if she even knew. She is someone I am friendly with and admire and volunteer with at our school. We were both on the award stand together receiving awards at the school district that same month.

I know if I were her and had been notified of her son's behavior that I would have been falling over myself to apologize and pulling my son by his ear to the victim's house to publicly apologize.

Nothing. Not one word to me or eldest. I have always wanted to hope she was oblivious or too embarrassed.

Soooo, this was the kid I gave a ride home recently...a seemingly very nice, polite kid. My son had long since forgiven him. I found it harder to do so.

Now I am angry that I did.

I am also shocked that I didn't hear about any of this from my son. I've been concerned in the past that he is so passive and too forgiving--somewhat like CG.

Just for the record, I am neither passive or forgiving, but you all know that. Hehehe.

So, now I wait to interrogate my son when he gets home...after track...where the supposed tackle and fighting occurred. Arrgh!

I will get the truth and there will be repercussions if it is true.

Stay tuned...

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