United States of Motherhood: Vigilance Lost: Bull'sEye... I'm One of Those Mommies

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Vigilance Lost: Bull'sEye... I'm One of Those Mommies

I try to be a good mom, my friends.

I do try.

I try to keep them generally well-fed, clothed, educated, and clean.

I try to keep them free from boogers, excrement, and all manners of germs. Their shots are up to date as are their annual check ups.

I trim their nails and probably clog their ears with my fastidious Q-tip cleanings of their ears.

I even try to keep them parasite free.

I know. I know. (Nodding my head)

Don't we all?

So for 12 years, 7 months, 16 days, and 18 hours of being a mommy? I succeeded.

Okay, okay, there was that awful pink eye summer, but I blame that on my friend's kids.

So, maybe there was also the nasty plantar wart break out in our house because our kids were showering without flip-flops at the last swim team's public showers. Grrr. It's was definitively nasty teammates' to blame.

But all those were in the past and my kids had been more than schooled on those.

Besides, they weren't our fault really. It was those nasty moms letting their contagious kids come back and spread their pestilence.

Yep, their fault. I blame them.

Yep, blame. It's what we mothers always do when we hear of lice in the classroom.

Or pinkeye flourishing at pre-school.

You know you do. Be honest.

First time I hear about the vermin in the classroom, I pump my kids for information on who has been missing and for how long.

Then I stridently urge my child to not share any clothing items, hats, chairs, carpet space with anyone and especially...

(turn child's head with hand on each cheek to make wide-opened, panicked eye contact)

... that Jimmy who has been missing for two days.

And Maddy?

Stay the hell away from Maddy. I saw her itching in reading groups yesterday.

No worries. I am subtle. Heh!

I was always on the look out for a source of contagion. Always vigilant.

So, somehow, after 12 years, 7 months and... oh let's say 10 days of motherhood, I let my Mommy-dar down.

I started to chill.

To coast even on my mommy responsibilities.

I mean, three kids, 10 different pre-schools, 3 elementary schools, and one middle school and never one nit or louse. Whoop! I am obviously a superior model of motherhood, right?

Five swim teams. Playgroups. Dance. Karate. Endless extra-curriculars.

All parasite free?

Until Li'l Man came down stairs itching on Monday night and pointed to it. What! What?!

I looked and there it was.

The most perfect of red, round scale on his under arm.

I gasped.

I wailed.

I convinced myself I was wrong.

No way was that what I thought it was. No freakin' way.

I reminded myself of the summer of '98 when I was sure Eldest had it, but the doctor insisted it was eczema.

I made an appointment nonetheless after school and gymnastics. I then strip searched every child. Everywhere. Pre-teens were more than embarrassed. Too bad.

Luckily, nothing came up. Just that one glaring red ring of revulsion.

Fast forward to yesterday afternoon. We went in to the doctor's office, the screening nurse looked at it , and took a step back.

I didn't need a doctor at that point. She had made the diagnosis with her step.

The doctor confirmed.

!@#$%^ Ringworm.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccckkkkkkkk!

He asked about cats? Nope. Dogs? Yes, but they don't have it and they never get walks because of their age and health. I suggested swimming? He said nope. Gymnastics? Bingo!

Very prevalent in gymnastics and wrestling because of mats. He mentioned we were lucky it wasn't on the scalp because he would loose his hair, it was hard to treat in the hair follicles, and it required oral medication.

Suddenly, a memory popped up before my eyes in slow motion. Oh, no. Ohh, no!

I gritted my teeth.

It. Was. Friar. Tuck!

Li'l Man's friend on gymnastics had the oddest circular baldness on the crown of his head. I had thought at the time, he must have gotten a hard knock. He looked somewhat like Friar Tuck and I had even mentioned him to my husband as what an unfortunate place to lose hair.

Now, it was clear. Missing hair. Circular pattern. Head stands. Somersaults on shared mats. Missing from practice the last two weeks.

It's easy to miss a scaly patch in an under arm. His mom had to know with that patch of baldness.

Oh. My . Gott!

It's all his and his mother's fault.

I pumped the doctor for information.

Contagious? Highly. Cover with Tegaderm bandages.

Treatable? Lamisil medicated cream for 3 times a day for three weeks. Add Selsen Blue shampoo. Keep covered with expensive, waterproof, germ barrier Tegaderm bandages at $10 for one package of eight bandages and he'll be fine.


School? Fine because no physical contact.

Gymnastics? Swimming? Book answer is based on when wrestler can come back to wrestle by state regulations--five days after medicated and covered with bandage. School is fine because no physical contact.Three weeks, three bandages a day equals $65 in bandages. Gah!

Then it hit me, my friends.

Bull's eye!

We went to gymnastics right before this appointment. Un-medicated. Without bandage.

Even with his sleeve covering it, we probably spread parasites everywhere on those mats.

Yes, my friends, it's official. I am one of those moms.

Shoot me now.

Sigh.

6 comments:

JamaGenie said...

For shame, for shame! tsk tsk tsk. Tar 'n' feather the infidel and run her out of town! ;}

OK, let's be REAL. $65 for band-aids IS a bit much (we used Neosporin, gauze squares and white surgical tape), but at least you're treating it. And your son WILL live!

Anyone reading this should also know that ever since DDT was banned, kids can pick up the dreaded R-worm from playing in the yard - it's in the soil. That's how one of my kids got it, playing with toy soldiers in the flower bed.

Miss Britt said...

LOL - I come from a wrestling family so I knew what you were talking about the minute I read "red circle".

I got it when I was about 14.

And dating a wrestler.

Secretly.

Yeahhhhh - that was a tough one to explain.

Dumblond said...

Ahhh shit! One more icky parasite to be constantly examining my kids for?! And my daughter just started up gymnastics again...
Holy hell.

Molly said...

dang...i was hoping for links to disgusting pics and all sorts of horror you are usually good at displaying. Mason just started gymnastics ah hell.
love ya parasites and all.

Mamapajama said...

You might want to think about anonimously letting the gymnastics place know about it so they can disinfect their mats. Lysol anyone?

Anonymous said...

Yaw Dang! That sucks.

Deputy Barney wrestles, but hasn't got that yet.

They told us to scrub our kids with Head and Shoulders right after wrestling, to kill those nasty 'lil bastards.

Riddle me this..if your kids looks like lobster man after the shower for the once of prevention...it's still worth it, right?

It's bound to happen, Sister, sorry it had to be you. Wrote up really funny though.

Sandhill Sis
http://reclaimsimplicity.com

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