United States of Motherhood: The Crap Load of Oatmeal Diet: Otherwise Known As I am Sick of Being Fatter Than My Husband Who Eats Crap

Friday, May 29, 2009

The Crap Load of Oatmeal Diet: Otherwise Known As I am Sick of Being Fatter Than My Husband Who Eats Crap


cue music

I like big oats and I cannot lie
Those other brothers can't deny,
That when a bowl walks in with an itty bitty...

Okay, so who am I kidding here?

There's nothing itty-bitty about today's breakfast. This is one huge ass bowl full of desperation and hope all tied up with a ribbon on top.

CG, dear CG, has had some health problems of late, that I have blogged about way more than he would like. But wait!

I have good news to report. The results are in, my friends!

With medication and diet, he dropped 49 points on his cholesterol test in a matter of two months.

Seriously! One point from fifty.

The diet? Oatmeal. Old-fashioned kind. Every morning with a handful of exceptions.

Let me mention the intent was to lower cholesterol, but an added, unintended, but awesome bonus was that he lost 20 lbs during that time. He's 6"2.5", and he weighs 185 lbs.

Did I mention I hate him?

Seriously.

Okay, not seriously. Okay, yes seriously, but only an itty-bitty bit about the size of my butt.

So twenty pounds in 2 months with no extra exercise or change in lifestyle except to chill out on the bacon and cheese and supplement oatmeal instead, he's shedding pounds like crazy.

He looks good. Really good.

So, he ate 1/2 cup oatmeal every morning and swore it kept him full for most of the day.

Hmmmm....

We all know what I am thinking yes? Remember Alli? Yes, Alli. If one is good, more must be better after eating donut?

Bad idea, my friends. Baaaaaad idea. Did I learn? {chirp, chirp}

Yep, so, like all Americans, I was thinking, if 1/2 cup is good, more is better. Hence the oatmeal above.

Okay, I admit, through some measuring errors (adding oatmeal to measuring cup with milk in it already is not the most accurate) might have increased it's sheer magnitude.

So, instead of 1 cup cooked, it was maybe....3 1/2 cups.

I was able to eat 1/3 of it before I never wanted to see oatmeal again. I saved the rest for lunch. Guess what? 1:30 has rolled around and I'm still stuffed.

Hmmmm....my husband might be on to something. It's akin to bloating/banding one's stomach...only with a crap load of fiber.

And when I say a crap load of fiber? I mean {eyebrows raised} a crap load of fiber.

Something tells me I will be very regular tomorrow and mayhaps even a few ounces lighter, my friends..

I'll keep you posted...about the ounces and weight-loss, not the regularity. Heh!


11 comments:

JayInYoFace said...

wow, good job Beau!
And definitely keep us updated on this! I might start on this too!

JamaGenie said...

Bravo, Beau! 'Course, being loyal to Scout (it is her blog after all), I hate you just an itty bitty bit too. ;D

Hang in there, Scout! I can only eat oatmeal in the winter, and only with a sh*tload of brown sugar, butter and whole milk. Don't go *that* route! I'm still wearing last winter's oatmeal!

Beau said...

Thank you, all.

I agree with JamaGenie - I'm wondering how I'm gonna keep getting that amount of fiber and filling for breakfast now that it is warming up. Its hard to eat oatmeal in summer.

Kinda like soup on a hot day.

Ann(ie) said...

RIGHT on hubby!!!

And I tend to have a little oatmeal with my brown sugar so it's not the best choice for me.

OH by the way I was totally singing along with your big oats song.....now I've got it in my head. :(

carrie said...

Woo-hoo for your hubby! That is seriously awesome.

And...I'm totally eating my oats in the am, do you think it will matter if I drench them in milk and add brown sugar? lol!

pinkpackrat said...

Why is it men can just drop weight like that while we women sweat bullets and still gain a pound... I don't get it but I do love oatmeal and am in your corner on this one-- go scout:-)

Beau said...

Keep it going, SH. Oatmeal for breakfast this morning, again!

There's craisins, and/or dried apples and cinnamon in the pantry.

Anonymous said...

Yah boys suck.

I am going to start this Oatmeal diet once I locate some 'Oatmeal' - is it the same as what one calls Porridge in England and the Antipodes?

My recent marital request for chocolate was met with a low calorie Flyte bar. Humpf.


Amelia

Beau said...

Amelia - yeah, I think it is. Rolled or steel cut oats cooked in milk.

You can't skimp on chocolate - sometimes you've just got to go all out.

I just love the common language that isn't.

Dumblond said...

So, he laces his oatmeal with crack, right? Because that is the only logical reason that just eating oatmeal in the morning would result in that much weight loss...
Crack kills, buddy. Crack kills.

Beau said...

Its actually the heroin and cigarettes. :D

Related Posts Widget for Blogs by LinkWithin