No Offense! But I Plan To Be a Bit Wordy Today...
I found this product to the left and thought how appropriate.If you have children or spend time around children, you've probably been hearing this title above a lot lately.
It's unfortunate that I seem to be.
It's the preface the kids these days say before letting loose their thoughts in rather blunt and oft brutal precision on someone--usually a friend, peer, and yes, even adult.
Somewhere along the way, this latest generation of kids have decided that saying, "No offense," takes away the sting, hurt, and betrayal of saying, for instance, they "hate" your clothing, your hair, or think "you're not the sharpest tool in the shed," etc.
Seriously.
I've run into it quite a bit when I work in my kids' schools and now it seems to have hit home on my son's Facebook account where a bunch of his friends that are girls (some exes, some platonic) roasted him a new one.
I believe one quote was something along the lines of, "No offense, [Eldest], but I don't see what any girl would see in you."
Yep, this bullet was said by a so-called friend.
Ohhh, of course, any pre-teen boy wouldn't find that offensive to have a friend write those words on his front page where his 89 other friends at school and swim team could see...all because she wrote "no offense" first.
Instantly neutralized. Poof!
Sigh.
My question is how did two simple words become the salve that allow one's friends to hurl insults and criticisms?
Sadly, I am now hearing my 7 and 9 year old let loose with the same gusto.
It's infectious.
It appears honesty trumps feelings nowadays.
What ever happened to the old saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?"
Oh, Thumper, I miss you.
Civilized society once curbed their tongue.
Now it's fair game to say something rude to those you love and respect where once you would have curbed your tongue out of respect, if you only preface it with, "No offense."
It needs to be realized that allowing our children to use the "no offense deodorant" as a shield to say things we might not otherwise say is just wrong. In my house, those words are met with just as swift a response a a four-letter word.
So, let me get in on the game:
No offense, Eldest's friends, but saying no offense before saying something ugly and rude still makes you look ugly and rude.
As for Eldest, luckily, he's a preteen boy and it rolled off his back since he does not seem to care much about anyone's opinion. I am not sure PB would fare so well.
So. my questions, my friends, is do I get involved?
Should I talk to the young lady or her parents? I see them both regularly.
As a mother, it kills me not to say anything since this girl has also been quite physical in the past...
Oh, don't get me started on that one. Okay, maybe a few words on that topic. I deserve to be a bit wordy since it's been a while between posts. Heh!
I am finding more and more that while young men are taught never to harm even a hair on a girl's head, we've encountered one girl after another who has failed to be taught the same.
There was one who left scratches and bruises on him because she "liked" him. She was 18 months older, 4 inches taller and outweighed him by 30 lbs.
Another likes to with all regularity to kick my son when he gets mouthy. He's been writing quite a few checks that have been cashed in with bruises. It seems parents look the other way because the checks are written by girls.
He had yet one more throw a full water bottle in a car on the highway at his face which gave him a fat lip. He's lucky she didn't break a tooth. No apology. No repercussions.
I am just waiting to find out they all said, "No offense," before they slap him.
My friends, especially those with preteens and teenage girls, a little help here? Advice? I don't think my inclination to bitch-slap a 13 year old is exactly the best policy. Nor is saying to this NSFW below response to their parents:
Living with my son, I know he's not innocent. He can give verbally as good as he gets, but the physical aspects of his female friendships coupled with somewhat of cyber-bully comments are getting to me of late.
We already had to take issue with one bully at middle school this last year slamming him into lockers leaving with a stiff neck. It got resolved pretty quickly since our school does have a no bullying policy. However, I wonder how many bullying incidents, where girls are the aggressors, simply aren't being reported.
Boys are just supposed to take it?
It's making me angry that we've taught our son to never be physical and we are trying to teach him that words do hurt and other parents may not be raising their children to have that very same civilized respect.
It's unfortunate that I seem to be.
It's the preface the kids these days say before letting loose their thoughts in rather blunt and oft brutal precision on someone--usually a friend, peer, and yes, even adult.
Somewhere along the way, this latest generation of kids have decided that saying, "No offense," takes away the sting, hurt, and betrayal of saying, for instance, they "hate" your clothing, your hair, or think "you're not the sharpest tool in the shed," etc.
Seriously.
I've run into it quite a bit when I work in my kids' schools and now it seems to have hit home on my son's Facebook account where a bunch of his friends that are girls (some exes, some platonic) roasted him a new one.
I believe one quote was something along the lines of, "No offense, [Eldest], but I don't see what any girl would see in you."
Yep, this bullet was said by a so-called friend.
Ohhh, of course, any pre-teen boy wouldn't find that offensive to have a friend write those words on his front page where his 89 other friends at school and swim team could see...all because she wrote "no offense" first.
Instantly neutralized. Poof!
Sigh.
My question is how did two simple words become the salve that allow one's friends to hurl insults and criticisms?
Sadly, I am now hearing my 7 and 9 year old let loose with the same gusto.
It's infectious.
It appears honesty trumps feelings nowadays.
What ever happened to the old saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?"
Oh, Thumper, I miss you.
Civilized society once curbed their tongue.
Now it's fair game to say something rude to those you love and respect where once you would have curbed your tongue out of respect, if you only preface it with, "No offense."
It needs to be realized that allowing our children to use the "no offense deodorant" as a shield to say things we might not otherwise say is just wrong. In my house, those words are met with just as swift a response a a four-letter word.
So, let me get in on the game:
No offense, Eldest's friends, but saying no offense before saying something ugly and rude still makes you look ugly and rude.
As for Eldest, luckily, he's a preteen boy and it rolled off his back since he does not seem to care much about anyone's opinion. I am not sure PB would fare so well.
So. my questions, my friends, is do I get involved?
Should I talk to the young lady or her parents? I see them both regularly.
As a mother, it kills me not to say anything since this girl has also been quite physical in the past...
Oh, don't get me started on that one. Okay, maybe a few words on that topic. I deserve to be a bit wordy since it's been a while between posts. Heh!
I am finding more and more that while young men are taught never to harm even a hair on a girl's head, we've encountered one girl after another who has failed to be taught the same.
There was one who left scratches and bruises on him because she "liked" him. She was 18 months older, 4 inches taller and outweighed him by 30 lbs.
Another likes to with all regularity to kick my son when he gets mouthy. He's been writing quite a few checks that have been cashed in with bruises. It seems parents look the other way because the checks are written by girls.
He had yet one more throw a full water bottle in a car on the highway at his face which gave him a fat lip. He's lucky she didn't break a tooth. No apology. No repercussions.
I am just waiting to find out they all said, "No offense," before they slap him.
My friends, especially those with preteens and teenage girls, a little help here? Advice? I don't think my inclination to bitch-slap a 13 year old is exactly the best policy. Nor is saying to this NSFW below response to their parents:
Living with my son, I know he's not innocent. He can give verbally as good as he gets, but the physical aspects of his female friendships coupled with somewhat of cyber-bully comments are getting to me of late.
We already had to take issue with one bully at middle school this last year slamming him into lockers leaving with a stiff neck. It got resolved pretty quickly since our school does have a no bullying policy. However, I wonder how many bullying incidents, where girls are the aggressors, simply aren't being reported.
Boys are just supposed to take it?
It's making me angry that we've taught our son to never be physical and we are trying to teach him that words do hurt and other parents may not be raising their children to have that very same civilized respect.
8 Witty Comments For Me:
It is rather ironic that (most) boys are taught not to hit girls, but girls aren't taught in kind. When did the balance shift and girls become the aggressors?
I say talk to the girl's parents. They may not know what a bully she is.
Nice to see you again, btw!
My 9-year-old daughter has just started using this phrase and it's already causing problems around here! You have inspired me to make clear to her (again) that it doesn't let her off the hook for the criticisms that follow. Enjoyed this post.:)
I agree about teaching your kids that "No Offense" doesn't give you a free pass, however, I recommend not interfering when it comes to girls bullying him.
If you interfere, he'll start to look to you to solve his problems, which means he'll never fully learn how to respond to aggressors.
The better solution would be to have a conversation with him and make clear what his options are. Perhaps it's as simple as having him tell the girls to knock it off. Girls like an assertive guy anyway right? And if that doesn't solve the problem, perhaps he can have a word with their parents? Or he can make the decision for you to have a word with them.
Either way, the ball should be in his court, not yours.
In regards to the comments on FB from that nasty girl, have your son respond on his page to her comment "Whatever, you've just been unfriended, b-bye". Then he should go ahead and unfriend her, which will block her from accessing his FB page. He gets the last word and she can't make any more comments on his page for everyone to see. On a personal note, I think kids should be 18 to have a FB or My space page. Young teens are especially harsh with the cyber bullying and most are too immature to use it in a mature manner. Girls or boys, on-going bullying should be reported to a teacher or parent ASAP. Kids can handle themselves to a point at that age, but they still need us to help them work out social issues. God, middle school sucks, doesn't it?
It would be nice if adults could keep to the philosophy of "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all," frankly. I work in a negative office environment and it would be so much better if they would just follow that philosophy.
great piece, scouts honor. i agree with a previous comment that it's best for parents to avoid direct intervention. but short of that, i feel that it wouldn't hurt to have your child schooled in the martial arts. sounds crazy on it's face, i know. but i've found that anyone, who has a GOOD MARTIAL ARTS INSTRUCTOR, who understands the true intent of the arts, becomes discipline and is able to use their reserves to overcome an opponent long before events reach the physical level. more important, the air of self-confidence projected by such individuals will often preclude many verbal assaults. i might also talk mom to mom to the young girls mom and ask her to take the child in hand- only if the girl's mother can keep it all confidential. but that's just my $.02
Holy crap! I thought it was just my kids pulling that "No offense" garbage. I haaaate it! We are definitely squashing that phrase around here!
I have noticed that girls seem to be waaay more aggressive than I remember. Having many hitting issues with my daughter...but then again, I was a pretty aggressive girl but I was definitely in the minority. I guess I am reaping what I have sown...*sigh*
I hope everything works out for you and the young man...
I HATE the "no offense" thing. I had a former boss that used to do it. Ugh!
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