Teenage Sons and Clothes Wars: HELP!
Remember when your kids were like this kitty:
Sigh.
Tickle. Giggle. Feed. Sleep. so cute. So easy?
I'm nostalgic after the knock down, drag out fight I had about clothes with my teenager today.
We actually played tug of war with the dirty sweat shirt in question. Even though he is an inch taller, I still won.
Then we almost had him go to school at 40 degrees with bare arms because he refused to wear the expensive jacket with tags still on from last year that he got for Christmas. I was furious with the waste. At the time, he said he liked it even though I said it was returnable if he didn't like it. There's also about 8 pairs of designer, ridiculously expensive-for-a-kid-that-grows-an-inch-a-month jeans in the closet that also have tags on and he's since out grown. Same deal.
The kid lives in the same three t-shirts, one sweatshirt, and his one pair of favorite jeans even with a closet full of clothes.
Today, it became an issue of respect and obedience. I had to threaten and then yank CG out of a conference call to back me up.
Said teenager left house defeated and in tears for the bus. Not the best day to start the first day of a new trimester.
Not happy times being the mom of a teenager. Help!
Tickle. Giggle. Feed. Sleep. so cute. So easy?
I'm nostalgic after the knock down, drag out fight I had about clothes with my teenager today.
We actually played tug of war with the dirty sweat shirt in question. Even though he is an inch taller, I still won.
Then we almost had him go to school at 40 degrees with bare arms because he refused to wear the expensive jacket with tags still on from last year that he got for Christmas. I was furious with the waste. At the time, he said he liked it even though I said it was returnable if he didn't like it. There's also about 8 pairs of designer, ridiculously expensive-for-a-kid-that-grows-an-inch-a-month jeans in the closet that also have tags on and he's since out grown. Same deal.
The kid lives in the same three t-shirts, one sweatshirt, and his one pair of favorite jeans even with a closet full of clothes.
Today, it became an issue of respect and obedience. I had to threaten and then yank CG out of a conference call to back me up.
Said teenager left house defeated and in tears for the bus. Not the best day to start the first day of a new trimester.
Not happy times being the mom of a teenager. Help!
12 Witty Comments For Me:
Make him spend his own money on clothes. He'll wear what he buys for himself. Worked for me when I was that age.
Or if he doesn't have an allowance or source of money besides getting it from you, give him a $50 visa gift card for Christmas and tell him that's all he gets for new clothes. If he comes back with something besides clothes, tell him it's his own fault when he complains about having only old clothes.
Also, what's the deal with the sweatshirt? If the kid wants to wear it, I don't see a problem with that...
O M G, I so hear you! I had this same conversation about a jacket this morning, he's walking out with sweat shirt on, ( like I told him and we fought about for a good ten mins) and I look down the street and he is minus sweatshirt in his tee shirt. I scream out the door, PUT ON your SWEATshirt.. He wrapped it around his shoulders and kept walking. I closed the door and shook my head.. He's 12, and will be 13 in April.. Luckily he started wearing deodorant, that was a battle that I FINALLY just won.. My oldest is 16 so I have learned that I have to just let go and let him do his thing. If he's standing out at the bus stop in a tee shirt, he will eventually maybe get cold and learn that maybe being warm isn't so bad. So.. No real words of wisdom, really.. just an understanding of where you are coming from. i look forward to everyone elses' comments..
As the mother of a 13 year old girl I feel your pain. Even though ours wears uniforms to school, she has such a wide variety of shirts, polos, sweaters, skirts, skorts and pants to choose from, yet she wears the same shirt and skirt several days in a row!!!! I have to sneak into her room and remove the dirty clothes so that at least she's wearing a clean uniform. And the jacket, oh don't get me started on that! She has a Northface jacket that I've threaten to take over several times since she refuses to take it to school because she has "no room in her locker" for it!!! Aieeee! The trials and tribulations of being parents of teens! :-)
Yeah, I have the same fight daily with my 10 year old.
My husband says it's because I'm too controlling and I should just let him wear the stained shirt and torn jeans (that I only keep around for playing outside on Saturdays). Maybe I should, but a very shallow part of me worries what the teacher might think of me if he came to school everyday dressed like a homeless person.
"Maybe I should, but a very shallow part of me worries what the teacher might think of me if he came to school everyday dressed like a homeless person." me too..me too.. me too..
My son is the same way...I even took him shopping and told him not to say yes, unless he would wear it...
I just hide the clothes...that way he CANT wear them till he's worn something else...
Good luck...it's a power struggle for sure!
One of my grown sons still does that with new clothes except he will take the tags off and then never wear them. Aaarrrggghhh.
I agree if he is cold it is his tough luck. Some cute girl will say something about how silly it is to be cold and then he will wear the jacket.
With teens we need to choose our battles wisely and hold out for the big things. When you do have a big issue never give in. Make it clear your house is not a democracy. You are the one in charge and until they can support themselves it is your house/your rules. You and your husband did the best thing ever by banding together as a team showing your son that even if Dad is busy he will back up his wife. Nothing is more important than that.
As a mom you have to pick your battles. My daughter is 13 and I have had similar issues. I handle it by letting her pick out what she wants clothing wise. If it's 30 below and she wants to wear a sweatshirt, fine. The only thing I have said to her is just remember, I am not going to be embarrassed by how you dress. If you want people to look at you like you've done lost your mind, fine. Not my issue.
I know it sounds like I am nuts, but really, it's a good thing. He is learning how to be independent. Neither of you will see it that way right now. Lord knows there are days when I could drop kick my oldest. I am still trying to figure out an appropriate punishment for a stunt she pulled a few weeks ago. The thing is, it can't involve drawing and quartering, the rack (she is tall enough already TYVM) or tarring and feathering.
*snugs* It will get better in a few more years... If you don't kill him first ;)
Sit down with a pen and paper and figure out what his clothing budget from you guys is for the year, including everything like necessities and fashionable stuff. Divide it into 12 payments. Direct credit one payment per month into his bank account. Let him buy his own stuff. Make it clear that he has to buy everything he needs and wants, with that money. Give him enough to make it possible, ie probably what you are already spending for him. Let him buy and wear whatever he wants, until his money runs out.
Then have a cup of tea and a lie down. :D
Amelia
No words other than- I live that same scenario with my 13 yr old son and 12 yr old daughter all the time. Sigh.
I finally gave up. If t-shirts and hoodies and jeans is what you crave. Wear it. But, and that's a big BUTT...you will go to school clean and with deo on. Period.
W is only 10, but he is getting darm close to a clothing allowance. Then it will all be on him.
Chin up girlie, this behavior is everywhere.
Sis @ Reclaim Simplicity
You can not win against them Ms Scout.......they are just like that every where, thats why they are children.....and only love can beat them....!!!!!
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