United States of Motherhood: Another "Oh Shit" Parenting Moment

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Another "Oh Shit" Parenting Moment

Eldest chose to spend the last days of summer with viral stomatitis.

That's fancy for the kid's infested with dozens of weeping sores in his mouth, tongue, gums, and throat.

After sniveling out of character at spicy foods, begging to go to the dentist which I ignored as a preposterous aberration, laying down during the middle of a seven mile hike up Mt. Rainier and in alpine meadows "to nap," and generally being unable to swallow?

This mommy took heed... four days later.

Out came the mini flashlight. Oh mercy! This mommy's mouth suddenly became a Mr. Bill "Ooo."

Bloody hell. Sores everywhere.

I googled. I diagnosed. My husband raised eyebrows. I sighed. I made appointment with legit pediatrician. Pediatrician who looked strangely like Dr. Ruth agreed with my diagnosis.

Treatment? No treatment. Suffer for 10 or so days. Fun, fun August it is. Nothing spicy, salty, acidy, or hard. I reviewed what we had eaten for the last week.

Yes, spicy, salty, acidy, and crunchy. Check, check, check, and check.


He'd lost 7 lbs. by this point. He is still refusing his oats, the silly mule. I push fluids and Tylenol.

I googled and his Dr. Ruth agreed Mylanta Milk of Magnesia to swish would help. We have Milk of Magnesia. CG and I decide Mylanta is what we really want. I leave existing Milk on island.

I sashay to store and purchase Milk of Mylanta or Mylanta or whatever it's called. CG and I quarrel over what it's called. I leave it on island.

Later that day and several times in fact, I grab a blue bottle, not bothering to measure since he will swish and mostly spit. He swishes and mostly swallows. No worries. Mylanta just makes one less gassy which dear spawn most assuredly is.

We eat dinner. Another Mr. Bill moments comes.

Not me. Teenager. Rushes from dinner table and on to commode. He is gone a very long time. A very long time. A shitcident of all shitcident. He doesn't want to eat anymore. It's steak and mashed potatoes. His favorite. Not one willing bite.

I push Tylenol.

Tylenol PM. Good for sleeping. Better than a lullaby.

The next morning, I look at used bottle I had used the day before. OH! Shit! Not Mylanta. Wrong blue. It was the Milk of Magnesia and mercy me, it's a laxative. Not so much for gas reducing, but frothy poop inducing.

Poor guy.

He still can't eat. It's only 9 AM and he can't eat and he's dehydrated from his episode the night before. I tell him offhandedly while I blog to take a Tylenol. He takes two.

Two. Tylenol. PM. He sleeps the rest of the afternoon. I tell CG. He judges. How dare he judge.

What? What?! Now you are judging me?

I thought it got easier when they were fourteen. Yes, fourteen. Did I fail to mention in the middle of this, it was his birthday this week-end?

Ah, Imma making memories of incompetent parenting that will last a freaking lifetime. I swear I am not trying to poison the boy. I'm breeding character. The parenting that does not kill him, will only make him stronger, right? Heh!

I take my bow. Another proud Bad Mommy of the Year award goes to me!

Oh, how the mighty do fall... shit!


monstergirlee said...

I sure hope he feels better soon.
Mom, he'll be fine, and thats how it will be. I'm sure something like this will happen to me someday (soonish?) because my son is constantly complaining of everything from my feet hurt to stomach to head. I usually feel his forehead, declare that he has no fever and to go lay down. Its gonna bite me in the ass.
Sorry Mom :-(

Fantastagirl said...

I hope he starts feeling better soon!

When my daughter was 5 she had mono... I didn't pay any attention to her symptoms thinking she just didn't want to go to school and was faking... uhm yeah, that is what kinda clinched the whole - Bad Mommy of the year award for me! Two weeks - best rest.

sybil law said...

Awww - poor guy! Hope he's better ASAP!
Don't feel bad, though- I mean, shit happens. He's okay - just a little miserable now.

Lisa said...

How'd ya get a picture of me on that diving board? I almost never go on diving boards. Weird. Super Funny post.

deetledee said...

Try not to beat yourself up too much, Mom. We've all been there. Mine are 19 and 21 now, still hasn't gotten easier but I'm blessed with 2 good kids despite my errors. Empty nest in 1 week....not sure how this will pan out but I'm out on the diving board too.

Dumblond said...

Oh my goodness! That poor kid. No spicy or crunchy food?! Ugh...just shoot me now.
And you are totally building character. And teaching! You can be sure that Eldest will not be giving his children the same remedies...

Barbara @ Modern Comfort Food said...

Your bad mommy moment here makes me feel a (tiny) bit better about my own whoppers. An example from last month: I asked Hubby - "Now what was I supposed to do on Tuesday?" Hubby responds - "Take your son to the hospital for surgery." Geez, I'm a bad mom and senile too!

practical(ly) Mom(me) said...

Oh, I totally get that moment! Who knew- right. He may look like a man, talk like a man but heck he's still your little boy.
How is he now? Gaining back weight I hope? Tell him his mommy fans are rooting for his swift recovery!!!!
~practical(ly) MomMe

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