Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Church of Soap and Hot Water Welcomes You

I know you'll laugh, but I pray to the altar of hot water and soap. Oh, yes, I do. After years of getting sick every time one of my three @#$%^ germy kids so much as looked in my direction, I took extreme measures.

When the kids come home, they do not hug me, do not touch door knobs, and do not pass go... until they bee-line to the bathroom and wash their hands for the requisite length of the "Happy Birthday" song.

Seriously, I screeech if they so much as dare to try to brush my cheek with a kiss. Their play date friends are instructed to put their hands in the air like blood-splashed surgeons. Touch nothing. Go straight to my porcelain and pewter altar downstairs sink.

Touch your face? Wipe your nose?

Lights flash! Alarms sound! Back, back, back to the bathroom you go!

Call me immuno-compromised, call me obsessive, call me soap prophetess, but call me 90 percent less sick these last two years than all the years before that. Seriously.

I don't use antibacterial soap or alcohol hand washes. Simple soap and H2O does the trick. So imagine my surprise when I found a new hymnal for my worship:

Yes, my friends. I am a WashYourHandsingtonian? And you? Join my cult or you might get the heeby-geeby stink eye from me next time you come to my house.

Updated: Do you think the Washington Department of Health will give me a break on my income taxes for doing their job and spreading their message? Oh, wait, Washington doesn't even have a state income tax. Ohhh, Washington, I love thee!!


Mama C said...

both of my children are borderline OCD about the handwashing. I have to say, though, when the rest of the world has "stomach flu" (which is just another way to say you people didn't wash your damn hands after using the bathroom!!) and other easily transmitted diseases, they have typically been spared (and you understand I don't want to actually say it out loud lest I jinx it). OCD has its merits, you gotta admit.

Ash said...

The Church of Soap and Hot Water Welcomes You by Scout's Honor.
As long as anyone keep his/her hands clean and do not touch anything without clean hands, chances of getting sick in the family is rare.
But bathroom are not automatic and you have to touch the dirty door with your cleaned hand Hmmmmmmmmmm.
What can be done here.....

Amelia said...

"Their play date friends are instructed to put their hands in the air like blood-splashed surgeons."

This made me rofl. And LOL. But in the process... I may have got a little bit of something... on your blog...


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