United States of Motherhood: March 2010

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Shame on H & M Again: Sexualizing Pre-Teens

Have you seen this?

Sorry, all this inappropriate booty shaking of pre-pubescent girls and little boys does not make me want to purchase their clothes for my three kids.

All the chest shaking is way too mature and does little to make me want my 10 year old daughter to mimic their choices and hence fashion.

Especially after finding out H&M cuts up unsold perfectly usable clothes rather than donating them, I am pretty sure I won't be gracing their establishment with my dollars.  Sad really because I like their clothes.


Monday, March 29, 2010

Cooking With CG: Puerco Pibil

I went shopping for annato seeds today.  What are annato seeds? 

Why they are achiote seeds of course.

What's that?

A Mexican spice that my husband has been known to drive 45 minutes to procure for his....ahem...well Richard Rodriguez's fabulous Puerco Pibil.  Sadly, our local Hispanic foods market burned down.

Instead, I drove the 50 minutes round trip to Bellevue. I'd laugh if you said it sounded like I was being a dutiful wife harvesting the herbs for my man's meat, but it just happened my car was in the shop and dinner is for my visiting brother.

I stocked up.  Bought nine different forms of achiote. Then discovered a fabulous bakery called Fuji with amazingly strange pastries like curry doughnuts and salt danishes.  Soooo good and now it's likely  I will not be there in a while since I stocked up on said spice.  Sigh.

Back at home, CG's making the marinade.  He's grinding the annato seed, squeezing fresh lemon and adding in the chopped habernos he prepared earlier.  The same said habeneros that had him horking at breakfast because he used his haberno-tainted hand to take his vitamins at breakfast. 

So I help him add the marinade to the pork I chopped up into meaty chunks earlier.

He cautioned me not to rub my eyes, nose, or any mucous membranes.  Yes, being CG, he also listed the vajajay.  Yes, dear husband, in your ridiculous fantasy world, women touch themselves and pick their noses while cooking.  Gah!

CG: Yeah don't pick your nose. Or your eyes or mother mucous membranes.  Or ...don't touch your Vajita.

ME: Hey, the vajitto is a mucous membrane.

CG: Duh.  That's why I included it with your eyes and nose.

Me: Hey, that's means wimmins have more mucous membranes than their mens. Hee!

CG: Yes, girls are snotty.

He laughed.  I laughed. 

CG: {With glee} I knew I should list 'em out because at the end, there are more fun mucous membranes.

 So, hopefully my brother, who is visiting and coming to dinner tonight doesn't read this, but there's no appetite killer more potent than eating pork while thinking of your sister's mucous membranes.  Eww!

Want the recipe?  Watch this 10 minute Cooking School of Robert Rodriguez:

Yes, this is the director of El Mariachi, Once Upon a time in Mexico, and for us mommies, Spy Kids, The Adeventures of Shark Boy vs Lava Girl, and Shorts.

P.S. And, yes, I know the dastardly Johnny Depp is in the cooking school.  Boo Hiss! Heh!

Friday, March 26, 2010

Spring Cleaning & Getting Screwed BY Both Sides

I cleaned out the medicine cabinet today.  Yikes!  I think everything was expired.  


I did keep some emergency supplies that weren't THAT expired.

 As in expired in 2008 rather than 2002.  The record holder was a tube of something from 2001.  I even had pup meds in there from 2002.So yes this below is destined for discard:

What a waste of money.  It makes me sick because ca-ching this is probably several hundred dollars.

The story behind most of it was a crazy December 31st trip to Costco in 2005.  

We had $300 use or lose dollars (it had been a blissfully uneventful year at the doctor and dentist) left in a flexible spending account so we bought anything and everything including:

Four huge tubes Hydro-cortisone.

Don't ask! It must have been an itchy year.

Why?  So the flexible spending account douches who question every well-visit to the doctor and reject every two out of three of our reimbursal requests didn't get to keep it. Honestly, I think that's their master plan to make it too difficult to get out money back, so we give up and let them keep it.

Screw them!  I'd rather throw away 2 vats of Milk of Magnesia (not even sure what this is used for) that let them have the $20 it cost.

Sadly, it looks like Obama's screwing over us middle class, insured, flexible spending members anyways and will limit these to $2500...so much for braces.  

With my luck, next year will be a very eventful year and we will blow our flexible spending wad by March.  Doesn't matter anyway because apparently they won't be allowing me to use my own saved up money on over the counter medications.

All I can say was so much for the accusations that the right was baselessly scaring the middle class.  Seems our medical insurance bill will go up next year to pay for it.  Seems like a lot of taxes and penalties and over stepping into a private realm. I have  a friend with a daughter at Georgetown.  When the Health Care Plan went through, dozens of kids decided pre-med wasn't for them.  This is the tip of the iceberg.  Said friend, from Russia originally, paid $10000 to have sister's breast lump diagnosed, removed, and treated in Korea because the waitlist was 6 months to even diagnose the lump there.  It's a good thing they all have medical insurance, yes?

So feeling depressed on both fronts: where do I safely  throw away all this wasted medicine?  And where do we go as a nation where already insurance companies are talking on passing on fees and taxes to the middle class? Sigh...

At the least the medicine cabinet is clean and most importantly, the Chloraseptic is NOT expired. Heh!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Calgon, Can I Drink You?

You've seen the commercials:

If a bath helps that much for the harried housefrau, then I am betting drinking the bottle still not would kill the stress of helping three kids which have ridiculously detailed, major science investigations and poster boards due for the science fair on Thursday. Nope!

Nor would it help for the Northwest Age Group Sectionals 3-day swim meet coming up for which PB and Eldest qualified.  Three days 7 AM until 8 PM.  Didn't get a hotel this time so add 45-60 minute commute to that. Sitting in hot sauna swim meet with overly competitive swim moms with no escape. At least the majority of them aren't on our team anymore. Sigh!

Did I mention PB's 6th grade orientation, the kids' last chance swim practice for the meet, PB and Li'l Man's science fair, and packing for said meet all explode into impossible to do it all on Thursday evening?

Last week, I helped Li'l Man trick the rest into eating raw potatoes and onions and apples blind-folded.

 I then helped Eldest wrap and tie his expensive swim suits to a football, take them to the bottom of a pool, and then time it's ascent.  Over and over and bloody over.

The week before, I helped PB forensically brush off worm casting on rotten blueberries, corn and egg shells before weighing to figure out what the hundreds of red wiggler composting worms that have resided in my pantry for the last month prefer.

Saturday, I spent the day driving swim carpool at 7 AM, hitting a pool rep meeting at 8 AM, wildly buying presents for kid's parties invited to at 9 AM, driving carpool back at 10:30 AM, driving the kids two different out of town parties which were of course off-set by hours.

Yesterday I spent 11 hours helping kids interpret data, editing their hypotheses and controlled variables, and then uploaded their pictures to the school slide show for the fair.

Today, I've blocked out the whole day to printing out their pics and looking over the rest of their work so we can finish up posters after school, homework, and 4 hours swim practice and commute.

I am so sick of mommy homework. CG finished his last final exams and papers for his MBA this week-end.  Whoop! 

He asked me to read them.  Not whoop! 

This girl cannot take anymore homework that is not her own.  Yep, I am getting Deja Vu from last year. I am rethinking this lofty law school goal I've always had.  Now that CG is done, it's time to think of me and really my mind is slamming shut at all the homework involved.  I am burnt out on homework and I haven't even been in school in more than a dozen years.

Should I mention the birthday kid of one party was running a high fever that I found about as my son gave him a welcome hug?  If we get sick this week, we are toast!

So I am thinking a bottle of Calgon won't do it, but perhaps this:

The highlight of this week-end?  My teenager made us Sunday breakfast.  Hot, steaming pancakes, cold orange juice, and nothing to do but relax. Sadly, my boy didn't make bacon or Bloody Marys.  Haven't started that part of his training.  Heh.

There's always next time because this mommy loves her vodka and has one more drink ticket this month.

I am sure in another dozen years, when all my babies are in college, graduate school,  or careers, I will miss these moments of helping glue on pie charts, find funky fonts, and figuring out what the difference is between controlled, manipulated, and responding variables that I am sure I did not know when I was in high school, much less 2nd, 5th, and 8th grades.  

But for now?

So burnt out.

Source: Flickr by pascalbovet.com

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Innocent Acceptance

Oh, that we all could have such sweet innocence and immediate acceptance.

"You are husband and husband?"

Observation: "You are much alike."

Observation: "So that means you love each other."

Acceptance: "I'm going to play pin-pong.  You can play if you want to."

No other reason needed. Why can't we all be the same?


Update: Sadly, the video was yanked.  Makes me wonder why.  My heart went from singing to sadness... 

Anyhoo, for what it's worth, here's the transcript thanks to Evan at TruthWinsOut

Text onscreen: Thanksgiving.

[Calen, a little boy, is standing in a bathroom next to a sink, looking up into the camera.]

Calen: A husband’s a boy.

Adult male voice from behind camera: Right.

Calen: A wife is a girl and a husband’s a boy. Then you two are husbands! [He hold up two fingers on both hands.] Wifes are girls; husbands are boys.

Voice from behind camera: Right.

Second adult male voice, from next to camera: That’s right. So, if you’re a boy—

Calen: You’ll be a husband.

Second Voice: Right.

First Voice: Yeah, we’re both husbands.

Calen: [puts his head in his hand] You’re both husbands?

Second Voice: Is that confusing—

Calen: You married each other?! That’s funny! [slaps hand to head]

Second Voice: That’s funny, right?

Calen: Yeah. [looks thoughtful] I usually see husbands and wives, but this is the VERY FIRST TIME I saw husbands and husbands! [grins excitedly]

[The two men laugh; Second Voice peers around and grins into camera.]

Calen: So funny. [edit] So that means you LOVE EACH OTHER!

First Voice: Yeah.

Calen: Yeah. Yeah, they’re much alike. You’re much alike. Hey, I’m going to play ping-pong now.

First Voice: Okay.

[Camera follows Calen out into the hallway; he turns back and looks at the two men.]

Calen: You can play if you want to.

Text onscreen: You’re much alike.

Why I Forgot My Homework: Camouflaged!


Li'l man forgot his homework yesterday...


The kid is so scattered.

I mention it to CG.

His response was,

"Duh!  It's camouflaged."

Right you are, dear.

Right you are.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Death Knell of Scout's Teenage Heart

First, it was Judd during the touching tribute to late director John Hughes at Sunday's Academy Awards:

Then there was a death of one of the Coreys this week.

Sigh.  Did you hear that?  My '80's teenage heart throb crushes are crushed.  Stabbed through the heart. Dead.  Splat.

Oh, wait, there's still Christian:

O.K. All better.  My teenage heart in this 37 year old body still throbs.

By the way, I'm on Facebook, my friends.  Just saying. 

If you want.  You know.  {Kicking dirt with my toe} Check it out?

Spa Treatments in Unlikely Places: Take Advantage


I had a 40 minute foot rub on Monday.  Professional foot rub. With scented lotion.

It was accompanied by a paraffin wax hand treatment and scented candles.

While I wore shades and watched the TV overhead.

So relaxing.

The most relaxing teeth cleaning I have ever had and I rarely  floss (shame!), so teeth cleanings are usually not so fun. There was no scolding though.  Just a friendly, concerned hygienist and dentist who took lots of time to discuss toothpastes and cold sensitivities.

Afterward, I was offered and accepted an espresso from their array of juices and water and tasty beverages and snacks and huge bowls of gum.

All the while deep wood gleamed, flat screens flashed, and spa candles glowed.

No, before you say it, no, I paid no more than my husband who goes to his family dentist without overhead television, massages, and wax treatments. I paid less than my kids who go to a pediatric dentist and get sticky hands and video games in the lobby.

By the way, this is a brother team , one a Ryan Seacrest doppelganger, who gave me the least pain free crown replacement I have ever had and one a young family guy with the best dental chair-side treatment everThey also comped me $900 in treatment when there was a mix up and they told me insurance would cover it...and it didn't.

So these dentists?  Walk on water.

I got busy in the last year and actually skipped a cleaning for 13 months.  Yikes!  Believe you me with free foot massages and your choice of hand massages or paraffin wax, I will not be missing anymore.  In fact, I am thinking I might need to get in a bit earlier.  I scheduled my next appointment the week after school starts in the fall because I think I'll need a massage then. Heh!

So why am I telling you this? I never knew dentists like this existed.  No, my friends, these are not our mothers' dentists.

I paid far more for no frills, painful treatment in California. 

I am thinking as the economy languishes more people are skipping appointments which means dentists are hungry for your business.  Start shopping and find one more value-added like mine. The bargain shopper in me tells you to do it today.

And if you live in the Seattle area?  Go check them out ... just save some massage time for me.

Note: No, I was not paid to write this nor do my dentists even know I wrote this or am a blogger.  Just a big fan!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Revenge Best Served Gold, Threesomes, Flyaways, & Not So Classy Oscar Moments

I only saw a few of the movies nominated...Avatar (Boo!), The Hurt Locker (Yay! Stick it to James, Kathryn), and UP!

Yes, it was revenge best served gold for this divorced couple. James' ego needed a comeuppance.

I tweeted throughout.  So many tweets. Very little about actual films.

What? The Oscars are about movies? The hell you say.

Whatever. Fashion was what I was all about.  Sandra Bullock looked so fantastically dreamy:

As did Kate Winslet:


Then came the eyebrows raises.  As in what happened to your hair SJP:

And your hair Rachel McAdams:


It's hard to tell here, but on the podium presenting with a dark background, my thoughts leaned towards the mussed prom night hair when your boyfriend tackles you in the backseat.

Oh the thousands of dollars you ladies paid to have wispy, frizzy flyaways looking like you'd been rode hard and put away wet. I kept thinking invest in some serum, hair balm, hairspray....something.

Then I saw Zac also looking mussed and rode hard:

...And it all made sense.

All three presenters.  Must have been intimately crowded backstage.

Mussed threesome.  FF.

Go cougars!  Heh.

My one disappointment was in Hillary Swank.  There she stood on some red carpet to a party last night talking about in her words, "What a classy event it was."

Oh, Hillary.  What a mis-step. Always so beautiful and classy, now it must be said always so beautiful and usually so classy. She looked like a Bond Girl that simply needed one accessory...a tramp stamp tattoo.

Your thoughts?

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Knock on Cherry Wood

So I've heard of the snowcasms, snowicanes, and snowbominations of this past winter all over the nation.

I've heard of Atlanta becoming the snow capital of the south.

I've heard from my mom of the freezing cold and torrential downpours in California.

And I think...

Haha! Wheeee! It's about time.

You see, it seems we stole California's weather up here in Seattle and they have our wet, dark and drearies there.

I want to feel sorry for them, but then I see that my bulb garden is already starting to burst from the warm earth.

To that I wiggle my butt and stick out my tongue and say, "I love you global warming and El Nino because you make my front yard look glorious in the winter. "

Sigh. And now that I have written this post?

I have hexed us all in the gorgeous Pacific Northwest.

Knock on cherry-blossomed wood. Heh!

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