United States of Motherhood: September 2011

Saturday, September 24, 2011

On Marriage: Reason 234,676 Why I Love Him!

Sundaes on Saturdays via instagram

Fifteen years of marriage and I still get a thrill sharing a hot fudge sundae with this hottie.

Yep, 15 years. We will celebrate our marriage of 15 years in a few weeks. Not too shabby for two silly Cal students that found themselves knocked up, eh?

Sometimes, things happen for a reason.

He is my reason.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Old Dogs Are Good Dogs

“Loving my ol' pup! Wish I could stop the pain of time for him.”

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Perserverance: He Gots It

Not so little Li'l Man

Whose kid was head bobbing to the music after a 32-0 loss? Yep, mine. Singing along to "I had the time of my life," courtesy of the Black Eyed Peas.

The first loss of the season. Spirits were pretty low, but this kid o' mine? Slow to pop off the blocks, but always smiling on the field when he's not crying after getting popped by a good tackle? He's smiling and dancing.

Did I mention a 32 to zip loss? Perseverance--he gots it!

Football--he loves it!

This swim mom who knows zip about football is coming around...

Friday, September 16, 2011

Cabbage and Peppers and Marriage...oh my!

This is lunch. It looks delicious, does it not? Only FOUR cups shredded cabbage, 1 whole carrot, a lime and it's juice, and a whole orange pepper.


My apologies to my husband having to sleep with someone who has eaten this much roughage in advance. Didn't we make that one of our wedding vows, honey? Something about in gassy balls of fire and in health? I could have sworn...

So back to this salad. It's one of my standards except for no creamy dressing and no hunk of bread. After 30+ days on my period, a snafu with dumb fibroids maybe making ablation not an option, a still inflamed liver, and having read way too many anti-inflammatory and anti-oxidant (man, I am sounding very anti) books from the library, I have decided to give gluten-free a spin.

So, minus creamy goodness and yeasty bread, I went spicy acid--kind of like my personality, eh? Again, refer to my husband for proof.

That was in the vows too, I swear!

And I can say that because I wrote them after we agreed to write our own...and then the plagery-er (obviously my Berkeley education is escaping me) copied mine the day before the wedding.

Hence I am the MAKER of ALL the VOWS.

Ooops. got distracted there. Must be all the building gas making me light-headed.

Soooo...I added some kosher salt, a little olive oil, fresh squeezed lime, and a generous squirt of siracha sauce.  Oh yes, almost forgot,  and some leftover relish from the most bitchinest recipe for red pepper relish and chipotle black bean soup from Gluten-Free Girl's cookbook that we doubled and polished off in less than 12 hours.


Li'l Man seriously ate three bowls of the stuff and then proceeded to eat it for lunch and snack the next day.  It was that good!

Seriously not a paid review. Just a huge fan of my new favorite foodie author over the Puddle....puddle being the Puget Sound.

Then I set it up on my re-installed treadmill desk. I walked 3 miles already. However, apparently plopping that salad down plus laptop tipped the scale of solvency for my rickety, MacGyver desk.

Or maybe I didn't set it up so well after taking it down to hide it from the home appraiser who took pics for our refi that ended up in our loan docs that, not wanting to jinx it, might just even close tomorrow....

Hence, I ended up walking with laptop and big bowl of salad on top of said desk and it started to topple.

Lesson learned.

Walking barefoot with salad and laptop near white carpet is challenging. #Fail!

Second lesson learned: Either I am a super hero or I am more limber than I remember because the adrenaline kicked in just a notch and I was able to grab open laptop, sliding desk slabs, plugged in iPhone, and salad bowl of incredibly potentially-staining salad and keep walking 2 mph.

Go me!

No white carpets were hurt in the process. That is all. #Win!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Yank That Puppy Out: Begone Traitorous Uterus [VIDEO]

My older sister just texted me the most adorable picture of her 7th child pulling over a plant. I marvel at her patience. She rocks as a mom.

Considering I have a brood of three and my youngest is nine, I am in awe of her humor and mothering skills. I know I couldn't even attempt to start that baby rodeo again at my age.

Nope, no patience left is this hormonal body. I firmly believe some mothers were meant to mothers over a longer period or later in life.

But me?  I am not one of 'em.

For my kids' sake, I think they are lucky I started so early and finished by 30.

Need evidence? One of yesterday's tweets:

Funny enough though, just as I am considering a hysterectomy after embarking on my 19+ day being on my period, my uterus twinged just a bit at my nephew's adorable face.

Believe me, it was temporary.

Then I saw this video below and it all came back. The mess. The late nights. The TANTRUMS:

My uterus is so doomed. Yank that puppy out.

How about you? Where are you in your reproductive cycle? Just starting out? Still in the thick of it? Or are diapers and temper tantrums a distant memory?

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Another Reason to Loathe Madonna: She's A Hater

I have never been a fan of Madonna. Nooooppppe!

I'm just not a fan of attention whores who are talentless hacks and I can say that because I am an attention whore and my talent is questionable.

Case in point? A fan took the time out of his day recently to honor her at a press conference with flowers. They happened to be....

[Cue Psycho shower scene music]

Gasp...they happened to be hydrangeas and she hates them:

Every heard of some humility, yo? You veiny, boy toy loving hag?

A simple thank you would suffice just like the thank you I gave to my then boyfriend at junior prom when he presented me an ENTIRE hothouse of orchids (shiver...I hate orchids) to wear on my wrist, my shoulder, and yes, even my hair.

That prom the DJ referred to me on an open mike as the girl with the big-ass flower on her head. Yep, spank me I looked like I belonged at a luau.

But me? Did I protest? Did I call him out for going on the cheap since he WORKED at an orchid farm? Nope. Not me.

I smiled. I thanked. And I survived without being the complete biotch Madonna is.

Moral of the story: Just take the damn flowers, lady. Besides, hydrangeas happen to be my favorite blooms so suck it!

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