United States of Motherhood: November 2011

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Confession: A Little Twilight Humor

My 12 year old daughter went to see the latest Twilight movie with her friends this week-end. I acted relieved not to go.

Confession: Now I'm bummed that I have no "excuse" to go see it.


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Monday, November 28, 2011

On Weight Loss: Need Some Inspiration!

Starting over, day #1 gluten-free is done. Wahoo! However, it was not a healthy day.

Prime stars for dinner were green beans and mushrooms sauteed with bacon AND pancetta in bacon and pancetta grease which I did not drain from the pan.

..and that was AFTER I had my follow-up appointment this afternoon where I stood on the dreaded scale with the sympathetic nurse as a witness.

After this holiday week-end? It's official. I've gained back every pound lost this summer.

Tomorrow is another day...

I need to ignore that inner slut that says I cannot do it, but even more important? I need to stab my inner bacon bitch. Heh!

Filed Under So Wrong: My Eyes Are Burning

Ewwwww! This made my eyes burn and now I am passing on that eye burn to you.

You're welcome!

Corn Turns Porcupine into Ewok: Story of My Life

I know exactly how this little guy feels. Today, after a Thanksgiving week-end binge on GLUTEN, I go back to strict gluten-free. No wheat, rice, corn, barley, oats, or any grains really.

Check back next week, and I am sure I'll have turned into an Ewok too!


Saturday, November 26, 2011

Happy Thanksiving From My Family 2011

So many things to be thankful for this year, but number one, as always, are these guys:

I love my family beyond words.

I'm also so thankful for finally getting to the bottom of healthy issues. Post-ablation so far, so good. I'm working on gluten free and weight loss/lifestyle changes to see if those helps with my liver and immune issues.

Let's Eat!

However, I admit, after five days gluten free, I am so cheating this week-end. Who can resist caramelized onion and mushroom sage stuffing?

Mmm #1 favorite dish for my family with caramelized onions
sweet potatoes a close 2nd place

I'll be back on track by Monday though...Pinky promise.

Another highlight this year for me? My cranberry chef Li'l Man who made it all by himself this year.

Li'l Man Cranberry Chef Extreme

And I can't not highlight the fact that my Eldest surpassed my beloved husband CG in the height department with Li'l Man not far behind. I guess we are feeding them well.

My Boys

I hope y'all had awesome Thanksgiving experiences as well. Send me a comment with the highlights and what you are thankful for this year.


Scout's Honor

Sunday, November 6, 2011

On Blogging: Uh-Oh Outing Myself in the Issaquah Press

Yo guess who outed herself in the local newspaper?

When I first adventured out in diarrhea of the mouth speaking my mind, in public, on a blog, I went for the cop-out. I dubbed myself Scouts Honor and the rest was history.

Being anonymous let me write without filter. I talked about bullies, controversial politics, my kids' school woes, marital spats, frenemies, the preponderance of neighborhood trophy wives, and yes, my infamous uterus. Chit chat one might share share with a girlfriend over coffee, but might not ever cop to in public, now published, on the internet.

Over the years, my extended family found my blog and, oh @#$%$, there was drama. I learned to edit myself. Several very hard lessons and much tears later, I still managed to keep my name under wraps.

Then, last year, that all changed when my freelance work required use of my real name. I did not out myself lightly. I moaned. I whined. I ground my teeth and looked for loopholes. Finally I agreed because it was a great opportunity.

Even yet, my little blog business maintained a pretty deliberately crafted far-flung audience with only a few choice friends and neighbors knowing my double life truth. This blog was safely tucked away from neighborhood eyes and PTA boards. Heh!

Until. this. Week.

Click to read the Issaquah Press Parent Guide & Check out pages 27-28

A couple weeks back, I received a call from the local newspaper who wanted to do an article on the local mommy bloggers. I gulped and said yes.

The interview? Typical Scouty diarrhea mouth with beatific sound bites such as:

"There's no perfect marriage. There's no perfect kid. There's no perfect anything." she said in a recent interview. "I'm going to keep it real...If my uterus is bugging me today, I talk about my uterus. If it's my kids talking about masturbation, we talk about masturbation."

Ummmmm...Sorry kids. Yes, your friends' moms now know about almost every crazy conversation we've had over the kitchen table. So yep, guess who outed herself in the local Issaquah Press? Will I live to regret this? For those writers who've squirmed under the harsh glare of being outed, any advice?

Stay tuned...

Update: I've already been getting many a phone call and shout out from friends on Facebook. Ummm, please do tell what is the etiquette of chatting with someone at a Back-to-School meetings who knows I'm the loon who set her husband's shoes on fire?


Thursday, November 3, 2011

Miami Cop Arrested for Speeding: It's About Time!

Well it's about @#$ time the rules apply to the cops too. Don't get me started on the excuses he made for risking other people's life on the highway weaving at 120 mph in a government-owned car. Seriously, no one was dying or bleeding. He was off-duty and simply late for a school function.

Not sure he should still have a badge with that judgment! Are you?

On Marriage: Yet Another Reason I Love My NOSY Husband

My husband has always been a little too comfortable in doctor's offices. Boundaries? What boundaries? He paces in OB offices and rummages through pediatricians offices.

He peeks in cabinets. He blows up latex gloves and fiddles with jars of tongue depressors.

He once even took out a speculum and started making it talk in a creepy voice just as the doctor walked in.

He does this mostly to embarrass me because I am easily embarrassed in these settings.

So it was no real surprise, he snooped in my medical files the nurse left available at the station where I was resting (and he was bored for 4 hours) waiting for anesthesia to wear off.

So I mentioned it in my last post about his comparing my newly scraped and cauterized uterus as a vast, barren alien planet with the nurse no less--but in a good way. As I told him I wrote about this fact when he came home tonight, his response to being nosy in my medical files in my last post?

It was to sing this:


The important line being at 1:50 to be exact:

"I want the doctor, to take a picture, so I can look at you from inside as well."

Oh, honey: That would be so creepy coming from anyone but you! I love that song and love you. Just don't go quoting the Smiths anytime soon, m'kay?

Uterine Ablation, Novasure & Baby Steps: Praise Be Crispy Hoo-Has!

If you follow me on FB or Twitter, you by now know I finally got THE surgery. All went well.

Due to family history of adverse reactions to anesthesia, we had to mix it up and went with propofol made famous by Michael Jackson and a spinal block. I was unbelievably scared, but luckily, it was quick.

I woke up less than an hour later. As the spinal wore off, the pain set in. Whether from the endometrial ablation, D&C, or fibroid removal, I will not lie, it was painful for 3-4 hours.

Very painful. But not as painful as the exhaustion and murky living after 34 day periods and literally bleeding to death for years.

Not as painful as missing kids' events and milestones--being confined at home because of one's period.

Not as painful as having one's life on hold. Or as painful as watching one's memory trickle away.

Now, the pain is manageable. I am living on Vicodin and fighting the urge to get back to business as a busy mom, rather than sit here on the couch and take it easy.

If you have followed my story, this is just a first step in solving my health issues. One of many that needs to be taken, but it is a step. It is putting myself first for once. It is making that decision to stop ignoring twinges and pains. Whether this procedure works or not, this is a step forward for me.

For all you mothers putting themselves last, I ask you to take a step forward like my community here has urged me over the years.

You are no use to your families if you are not healthy.

And besides then your husband won't see before and after pictures of your hoo-ha while you are sleeping off the anesthesia since he is always snoopy with the hoo-ha medical files and instruments at these wimmin exams and procedures.

So he then won't be able to tell you that your uterus now looks look like the"dark side of the moon" or some "other weird planet" and the where's the fun in not knowing that?

I now can say my uterus is positively celestial or at least I now have a witness that it's fried like chitlings which was exactly the point!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Texas Judge Beats Disabled Teen Daughter (NSFW Video: Graphic)

Warning: Graphic

This video so unbelievably angers me. This so-called judge should NEVER be in a position of authority. It is clear he enjoyed beating his disabled SIXTEEN year old daughter.

And yes, for the record, this gave me flashbacks to my own childhood and it wasn't pretty.

I am so proud that my children will never, ever feel fear or intimidation coming from those who should love and protect them the most. Please pledge to never parent through intimidation. It breeds hatred, not respect.

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