United States of Motherhood: April 2013

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Kids These Days!

Apparently this is how 5th graders read these days.... 

..,upside down on the stairs.

 {{ eyebrow raised }}

My Method of Weight Loss and Health

It's official. 

31 lbs lost today!! 

I Got my butt kicked at a double benchmark wod of Grace and Fran workouts yesterday at my box and today did a crazy 5 rounds of running, toes to bar, wall balls and 205# deadlifts.  Rings and double unders were also worked on.

So now?   I am going out for a fun working lunch without one ounce of guilt.

Not one!!


My method??  Mostly moderate paleo,  7-9 1 hr crossfit workouts a week and  the mentality that slow and steady REALLY does win the race. 

I am not trying to lose weight. I never count calories and am not hungry or feel that deprived.  I am trying to embrace healthy lifestyle changes. The weight seems to shed on it's own. 

Want to join me?

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Good Morning & Chaos

Good morning, y'all!!  

I've been up since 6 dealing with geriatric pups with mobility issues, carpooling and the such, herding kiddos to school,  and finally got my first espresso of the day. 

Until I get a sip, it's just not morning--it's uncivilized chaos!  Heh! 

How is your morning going?

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

There is No Joy Without Chocolate: The Trials of Being Paleo and Kuku for Coconuts

Holy coconuts, people!!

Say you have this insane craving for an Almond Joy.


Say you don't have said Almond Joy which is good because it's not paleo and you, you have self-control when it comes to Almond Joys.

At Halloween, Almond Joys just leap like lemurs into your mouth.  UN-freaking-stoppable amounts of Almond Joys.

Say instead you mindlessly eat an ENTIRE half Costco-sized bag of shaved coconut and at least three handfuls of almonds to quell the craving, but it doesn't work because there is no joy without chocolate.

Sooooo...you eat some more.  Of course!

Bag empty.

Then your 11 year-old points out that the package says ONE measly coconut serving is....

 55% of your daily fiber!!!

On Instagram: Uhhhh Ohhhh I went kuku for coconuts…see that thingy on the label
 that says HIGH IN FIBER?? Uhhhh I didn’t!! Danger danger Will Robinson!!!
YEP!  Bag is empty all right-y.

My friends???  You assess the situation like the former Army lieutenant you are.  YOU have eaten AT LEAST six servings.  The almonds add an additional 40% of daily fiber.

You quickly do math...brain trust that you are!

400% of your fiber!!!

Yes!  Yes!  Yes,  you realize you have eaten NINETY-THREE FREAKING grams of fiber in nary TEN minutes.  You panic and realize you are a ticking poop bomb.

Then you forget and...





Ohhh Crap!!!!

Yep, not saying that happened.  Nope.

Good news?  I think I just did one of those hippy insta-cleanses without even knowing it and least it didn't happen on the hour carpool drive to swim practice, right?

Living dangerously here in Seattle...

Yep, I should have just eaten an Almond Joy!

FOR MARTIN: No More Hurting People!!


                                   No more hurting people.

I am not a runner.

When I run, I moan.

When crossfit even has a 400 meter warm up run, my shins immediately protest.

Today however I am thinking of training for a marathon just to say f@ck off to terrorists.

However more importantly?  As a mother, I want to honor a little boy who deserved to be running at recess with his friends today.

Who is with me?

Monday, April 15, 2013


To turn an event of strength, determination, spirit and life into a depravity of horror & bloodshed... I am heart sick. My heart goes out to all the victims, survivors, and their loved ones.  

Evil will NEVER win. 

Saturday, April 13, 2013

So Proud of My Husband's Track Marks

Sooo proud of my guy, CG!

Yes you read that right--he's officially donated more than FIVE GALLONS of blood in the last 8 years.  

He's actually pretty much given every eight weeks for the last dozen

Rain or shine.

He drove a 50 minute round trip today on a Saturday morning just to get another donation in.  He downplays it, but really how many people do you know that are this dedicated to getting poked so often that they actually have track marks??

With my anemic blood, I can't give but I am so proud with this volume, he kind of gives for us both.  When is the last time you visited your local blood bank?  They need you...and guess what??  


Friday, April 12, 2013

Promise Me?

Promise me you will never, ever get too old or too joyless to play with your food?

Thursday, April 11, 2013

The Problem With Teen Drivers ...with Mothers

Eeek!! The problem with teen drivers?  

They take your car so then you take your husband's car...and then forget to pick him up after work.  

Oopsie !!! 

On the way now!!!

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Stop Growing!!

As if this Mama's heart needed another milestone today after her oldest baby drove HIMSELF TO PRACTICE, it's official.  

The last of my babies is too tall for me to rest my chin on his soft head.  

BIG sniffle. 

How could my just turned 11 year old baby be 5' 2" already!? Who let this happen??

 He reassured me that I could rest my chin of his nose instead...well until he grows another inch in the next five minutes!!

Saturday, April 6, 2013

He's a Keeper!!

Best surprise ever this morning!! I slept in and this guy just brought me up breakfast in bed on his own.  

Everyone else is at swimming.  Entirely his idea.

Better yet, it was paleo: fried eggs, apples with almond butter & coffee with Stevia. 

Did I mention he likes to give back rubs and foot rubs?  He is always the one who never forgets to give us hugs before he leaves for school or to go to bed.

He is such a keeper!! His future wife will be one lucky girl. I soo love this guy!!

Friday, April 5, 2013

Hold Me: He Passed the Driver's Test By One Point

Holy crap!! He passed the test!!

 I am officially a mom of a driver!! 

My insurance premiums just increased by 130 percent!!

I already have visions of accidents, tickets, and fender benders.

How did this happen?! My baby couldn't possibly be 16!

Oh lawd!

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