Comments on United States of Motherhood: Thank You-Schmank You: Let's Ban the Thank You Car...

Wow, a lot of responses! First off, I recycle pap...

2009-12-17T01:56:56.317-08:00

Wow, a lot of responses!

First off, I recycle paper, it doesn't go in the landfill!
But I am lucky and live in a very green city.

I think if you do put the money saved toward charity and say so, that is cool, but there are some people who really should get Thank You cards.

I addressed my own for a bridal shower. It was cool [I didn't have an issue with it]. :P

I rarely receive thank you cards and when I do I l...

2009-11-14T17:28:03.875-08:00

I rarely receive thank you cards and when I do I like the feeling even though it is thrown pretty much straight away.

2 & half weeks before my first baby is due & I've started receiving wonderful & thoughtful gifts and I just want to show my appreciation by taking the time to write, address & mail thank you cards. Perhaps this is just reciprocating the gift giver's efforts in buying the present, wrapping it etc.

I think the fact that someone has taken the time - everyone is busy these days - & chose to spend a few minutes to thank someone through a card is extra special. Writing an email is quick & easy & less wasteful & still thoughtful but I think for some things, it's worth making the effort & writing a card.

Personally, I love thank you cards - in whatever f...

2009-11-04T15:37:02.293-08:00

Personally, I love thank you cards - in whatever form. And I make my kids write them for gifts they receive when the person is not there to accept a heartfelt thank you. But I don't think any less of someone who chooses not to send them. It's just me.

But I LOATHE addressing my OWN thank you card! I think Emily Post would roll over in her grave if you asked her to do that! (She is dead, isn't she?)

Thank You, Thank You, THANK YOU Lil Sis!!!! This ...

2009-11-02T19:55:20.687-08:00

Thank You, Thank You, THANK YOU Lil Sis!!!!

This ABSOLUTELY means we're not bad people for getting out 80% of our Wedding Gifts Thank You's from last Oct(Statue of Limitations expired at 12 months). The 20%? Thats the 20% that wouldve pitched a fit and not spoken to us/ disowned us without a Thank You card. (Thinking to myself?: Do I still have the receipt of the unused T.Y. cards??? Hmmmmm... That could be a donation?? ...or more likely Starbucks for a week?!)

I believe this lets lil Mo off the hook too from several years back too!!

BTW, think I thanked you and yours via e-mail? If not, the Cinema GC's were great! THANKS!! ..and it was totally awesome that ya all came down andd shared our day!

I couldn't agree more! My mother hounds me NONSTOP...

2009-11-02T12:26:46.225-08:00

I couldn't agree more! My mother hounds me NONSTOP to write thank-yous. The guilt is ridiculous. I also do evites and wish I could just email my thank yous. But because I "can't" the list just sits there on my desk for ages. Because who has the time or energy to hand write all these notes, figure out the mailing addresses, and then stamp and actually mail them?Let's start a paperless movement, ok? I'm totally in.

*the captcha code here is evoidly. I'm thinking it's NO COINCIDENCE!!

"and display for at least a few days." And herein...

2009-11-01T01:44:26.448-07:00

"and display for at least a few days."

And herein lies the key to the whole twisted panty puzzle. "Everyone is thankful to Meeee... I am the nicest person eeever... I do nice things for eeeveryone." Urgh.

It's a bit transparent IMO.

Amelia

Alesia is 700% correct. Someone does something, gi...

2009-10-31T16:02:28.362-07:00

Alesia is 700% correct. Someone does something, gives something, thinks of you. How rude not to sit down and take a minute to think of them and their gift, and let them know you're doing so in a nmote they can actually keep and display for at least a few days. Good manners comprise thoughtfulness and consideration for people OTHER THAN OURSELVES. Jeez...

I love your post..... but it doesn't mean that you...

2009-10-31T13:22:59.049-07:00

I love your post.....
but it doesn't mean that you have to send a Thankyou Card for it....
Sending Card is just like a formality....
I love your blog n have all respect for you....n its in my HEART which can't be sent.....lol
Regards,
Rajan <3

Look, I think Ren nailed it when she said that the...

2009-10-30T21:12:28.823-07:00

Look, I think Ren nailed it when she said that there are certain occasions when a personal thank you note is absolutely the right way to acknowledge someone's kindness, but the rote writing of essentially meaningless little cards which end up filling bins and landfill and give me a bloody headache...oh, I'm sorry, am I starting a rant?

Leslie is also spot on when she points out that it is the medium, not the message, that is important. A genuine, heartfelt "thank you" with eye contact and some comment about the gift means much more to me than a piece of paper, however pretty.

I'm with you! I never make my kids do it, and my m...

2009-10-30T08:51:40.472-07:00

I'm with you! I never make my kids do it, and my mother-in-law is sure that some cousin I've never met -but knitted a blanket for my 3rd child - now hates me because she was never properly thanked.
I guess I'm just rude. Well, so be it. I'm sweet as can be to those I like! :)
This reason is more than enough for me to jump on the band wagon:
"Of girls not having the basic sanitary napkins to go to school in Africa."

We are asked to look at almost everything these da...

2009-10-30T01:38:20.063-07:00

We are asked to look at almost everything these days from a feminist perspective. I mostly ignore this advice, as it is whack.

However, I DO apply it to thank you cards and other social niceties. I observe how often men engage in these practices and then - I act like a man! Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes.

So I agree with you, no thank you cards from me. :D

Amelia

I can't help but agree with Alesia, JamaGenie, and...

2009-10-29T20:59:38.738-07:00

I can't help but agree with Alesia, JamaGenie, and Lori E. I don't care how technologically savvy we get, nothing will ever take the place of a hand-written note. An e-mail can be copy and pasted or sent to multiple people, but when you see a note written in someone's own hand thanking you for your gift, you know that they were thinking specifically of you. If they were kind enough to send you a gift or do something nice for you, the least you can do is spent $5 and 5 minutes to jot them down a nice note.
(I also can't help but feel as if the "environmental" argument is just a means for justifying something that you don't want to do. Just saying...)

Ban them. Ban them all! The huge expanse of blan...

2009-10-29T19:05:22.795-07:00

Ban them. Ban them all!

The huge expanse of blank paper that's only 1% filled by the words Thank you, Love, Me.
The need to fill them with appropriate images...

Ugh

Ugh. Thank you cards. I have a stack waiting to ...

2009-10-29T17:52:46.975-07:00

Ugh. Thank you cards. I have a stack waiting to be finished right now. I don't know. I definitely see the importance of showing gratitude for a gift. Still, are handwritten thank you notes always necessary? I don't think so - not if the sentiment is expressed in some way. It's the message, not the medium that counts. A thank you is a thank you.

I think that writing thank you's is a good idea. O...

2009-10-29T17:40:59.298-07:00

I think that writing thank you's is a good idea. One, the kids have to go through the same torture we did as a kid ;) The other reason is common courtesy. It makes a person feel good when they are thanked for something they didn't have to do. A gift is a gift, not something you truly *have* to do. My last reason is letter writing is a dieing art form. Call me a grammar fascist if you will, but I think it helps prepare kids for "polite" society. Believe it or not one day they are going to need to have those good manners we have been trying to instill in them.

That being said, I personally have no problem sending out thank you's via email. A lot will depend on who I am sending the thank you too. I wouldn't email dear aunt Bessie. Mostly because she would consider it the height of rudeness. Grandma I would send an actual card to because she displays them on her fridge. My mom is weird that way. But to co-workers and friends, email is the way to go. If I want to get fancy schmancy, I will send a card from Care2.

Beki

Ooo. Someone touched a nerve...Just another reason...

2009-10-29T16:47:31.722-07:00

Ooo. Someone touched a nerve...Just another reason I love your blog posts. You get comments from every side of the issue.
I did not grow up sending out thank you cards for gifts. But for some reason, my mother insisted I do it for my high school graduation gifts...and then of course there were the thank you notes for our wedding...
I am lax when it comes to having my kids send thank you cards for birthdays. Unless someone went really out of their way or the gift was homemade or heartfelt, I just don't see how a note on top of my child (and myself) expressing our gratitude upon receiving and opening the gift.
I do think teaching our kids to be grateful and to express it is important but I don't believe in giving myself a headache to make sure that the gift giver is overwhelmed with my thanks...

I totally agree! I hate the pressure to send cards...

2009-10-29T16:21:42.218-07:00

I totally agree! I hate the pressure to send cards when I think nearly all are a waste of time, energy, resources etc. for exactly the same reasons you mention.

In my house we even refer to obligation as 'The Christmas Card Phenomenon'; giving/feeling the need to give because someone gave to you; not because you want to. and where do you stop if you have many relatives/co-workers?

I also can't stand it when people say 'oh, no don't get me anything' and then fall into apoplexy when you don't. Faux modesty is sickening!

Really, very few of us 'need' anything. The amount of seasonal waste is disgraceful. My family say 'lighten up', but I find it hard when I know the majority of the world's population subsist of around a dollar a day!

Anyway, ecards yes, even though I am aware of the impact of electronics, paper - no.

And yes, the money can be better used elsewhere: charity, buy a patch of forest, put it towards your kids education or something you actually 'need' or will truly enhance your life.

Wow, lapsed into rant mode there.

Ciao for now!

I am a genealogy researcher and do many trees for ...

2009-10-29T13:40:50.563-07:00

I am a genealogy researcher and do many trees for others. The stack of heartfelt thank you cards I have received from my clients are kept in my office and treasured. They have written the most beautiful messages in them. If I printed off an email message it just wouldn't be the same.

Do I think every gift requires a thank you card? No. I prefer to send them to people who have hosted a big party or done something special for me.

To stand and thank everyone at a birthday party is fine. You have opened the gifts there in front of the givers and can thank them.

For a wedding not everyone who gave a gift will be around when the gifts are opened. A thank you card or note is the right thing to do. If the gift came from out of town then of course you need to send a thank you so they know that you received it.

Every one is busy. That is not an excuse. It is usually the busiest people who get their thank yous out in a timely fashion.

Saving the environment? Pretty feeble excuse. Next time I will take a photo of what I would have bought you for your birthday and email it to you so we don't cause more environmental issues with the packaging and shipping of said items by actually buying it. This will also save me the gas I would have used driving from store to store to pick something special out for you. I'll just search Google images for the perfect gift.

I feel you honey! I hate doing them, and I hate ge...

2009-10-29T12:38:48.476-07:00

I feel you honey! I hate doing them, and I hate getting cards (total waste of money - and trees!).

But I do think making kids do them is worth it just to have the appreciation value. I will admit I'm hurt when I do something for someone and there is 0 acknowledgment of it.

And if you want to go the e- route, it should be typed up by said kid, with an explanation for the people of WHY - a la, the "we saved a tree" or "we donated to X" answer.

There are a few members of the family that we send...

2009-10-29T12:36:55.474-07:00

There are a few members of the family that we send a note of thanks to, but other than that, it's a phone call. I'm not a fan of email cards; they're easily forgettable. But I certainly don't get upset when I get one for my bday or a holiday. Unless it's from my grammy. I like to see her signature.

Spend those gift cards!!!

Some "old" customs of politeness and civility shou...

2009-10-29T12:29:43.671-07:00

Some "old" customs of politeness and civility should *never* die. How 'bout giving up a cell phone and donating that $$ to a charity each month????

Just sayin...

I say e mailing or thanking people at the party is...

2009-10-29T12:18:01.795-07:00

I say e mailing or thanking people at the party is fine! I like the idea of donating the saved $ to a charity!

i agree with you that thank you cards seem outdate...

2009-10-29T12:12:35.452-07:00

i agree with you that thank you cards seem outdated. actually it's only been recently that ive even been interested in getting cards for anything. i think theyre a waste of time and just wasteful in general, especially when most of them are not me at all [i.e. cheesy, lame, etc].

sending an e-card instead seems a whole lot easier and explaining that you donated some money in place of sending a physical card sounds like a really awesome idea. i dont know how someone could get offended if you donated money instead..i mean it's definitely an admirable thing to do.

also it cracks me up that not being able to use the presents wasn't enough motivation to write the thank you cards.

Oh, and I totally meant to add that you should spe...

2009-10-29T12:03:12.066-07:00

Oh, and I totally meant to add that you should spend gift cards as quickly as possible. It's too easy for them to become worthless when not used.

I think thank you notes for perfunctory gifts are ...

2009-10-29T12:02:12.262-07:00

I think thank you notes for perfunctory gifts are generally unnecessary, unless you know that it is expected or very much appreciated by the individual. When someone goes out of their way to get something for you or do something for you, that's when a token of some sort is appropriate, be it a hand-written thank you note, flowers, or what-have-you.

Note that what I mean by perfunctory gifts above are typical gifts given in expected situations. An in-person or via-email "Thank You" for those seems quite sufficient.

That being said, we do make an effort to have our kids send thank you notes for birthday presents. Not for Christmas, though. Apparently, I'm a hypocrite. Or perhaps I'm just not in charge.... :-)